The Weakest Force

In my eyes, indisposed in disguise as no one knows
Hides the face, lies the snake and the sun in my disgrace
Boiling heat, summer stench, ‘neath the black the sky looks dead
Call my name through the cream and I’ll hear you scream again

Science and scifi as metaphor.

Gravity. Of the four or more forces in the Universe, it is the weakest. Some of the latest research theory on why this is suggests it is because during the Big Bang, gravity was basically thrown partially out of the Universe. It pops in and out, perhaps pushing on mass then disappears back to its other home before squishing All There Is in this Universe.

Perhaps the most voracious items in our Universe is the mysterious black hole. This Black Hole Son sucks. It sucks everything and anything. Basically, it just sucks. It is an ever empty vessel in search of filling. But it can never be satisfied, and so eats everything within its gravitational tendrils. Nothing can escape it, it is said.


An old scifi film I haven’t seen in many years was The Bamboo Saucer.


It was a Cold War propaganda piece from 1968. I may be getting it confused a little with another film because I saw two back-to-back during a TV matinee. But, if I have the correct film, the saucer wound up working on the principle of locking on to the gravitational force of distant objects. In other words, need to move in a particular direction, the saucer’s navigational system knows that there’s an object in that direction with a gravitational pull and somehow enhances the mutual attraction, pulling it in that direction.

Now imagine that you are a traveler caught in the gravitational field of our sucky Black Hole. How could you escape it? I don’t think the pull of a single star would do.

But a binary system…


Now that’s interesting. You can latch on to not one but two stallions to lug your sorry-wandering-space-gypsy-butt out of the black hole muck. As opposed to the Hole’s take-take-take, you’ve got twin Sons who give-give-give, provide for life as opposed to obliterating it.

Definitely my kind of celestial bodies. Lulz.

And so that, lady’s and germs, is how you beat brainwashing. Clear as ever, aren’t I? You’re going to need to know how to do that, probably sooner than later.

Thanks for the ride. 🙂

Cheesey, but best I could do on short notice.

A Message for ‘Janus’

And I hate that Goddamn Barzini.

This has nothing to do with the Hammonds that I am aware of. At least not directly.

This is directed at the field operative working for a United States of America entity who, possibly under the supervision of ‘Balding,’ planned and executed as a lead on the team to ruin my life. This is the person whom I refer to as ‘Janus.’ I use that name because on the day he came in to the deli and, utilizing whichever technology was used in addition to the street theater psychological operations, directed me to believe had some connection to Peter Watts, I think he was wearing one of those expensive masks. On the other occasion in which I saw him hiding outside and next door to investigative journalist Jeremy Scahill’s home, I don’t think that he was wearing it. Probably likewise on the other two occasions, the first when stealing my building’s garbage in November of 2008, and the other in February or so, after the two previously-mentioned appearances in January.

I think I’ve alluded to this before, but perhaps not so plainly, not so directly, and not recently. Much of the last three years plus I have dedicated to trying to convince you to blow the whistle on these kinds of domestic activities that violate pretty much every basic civil rights law on the books including the one I’ve mentioned many times: “Conspiracy Against Rights.” I suppose I did so in part due to the success in the brainwashing you and your team implemented. It was clearly successful and, if I still had a dog in this fight, my concern would be how that could be applied on a massive scale, resulting in a sort of demagogue. The self-fulfilling prophecy stuff I mentioned a few posts below. For me, that has become great fodder for writing fiction, but, really, I have so little stake in the outcome of all of this now–thanks in large part to you–that even that doesn’t really bother me. It will happen.

I imagine you view things similarly, except of course given just how much some of these people hated me–look at the lengths they’ve gone to–you were likely well rewarded for doing this and similar to other people who, like me, had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time and the paranoid powers that be couldn’t see their way to taking the risk that their pre-9/11 much improved COINTELPRO-type  programs would be exposed. Hilarious, isn’t it? They are exposed now, but it hasn’t altered a single thing. While I can empathize with those who may have thought helping me along was a good idea on principle, it was foolhardy at a minimum. How could you possibly expect to expose programs that manipulate people, when the point is you can manipulate people? The very crime being exposed is the very thing protecting it from exposure.

Crazy Little Ship of Fools, indeed.

Speaking of which, another chance to alienate those few shaky allies I may have, it gets tiresome seeing the hope pinned upon, for example, the recent testimony of former NSA employees in Germany. Yes, it’s an important issue and I’m happy that they did it, but with an exception or two, what was discussed has been going on a lot longer, and even if NSA were magically put back in the bottle, there still would be the kinds of operations such as you and your team executed upon me, my friends, family, and co-workers. I saw it in 1989 and after. I saw evidence of it from 1988. I have since read that others first had it happen to them five or so years before that.

So, we both understand that, like the laws that keep getting passed, 9/11 was an excuse after the fact. We also know that NSA is not going to stop; all they have to do is scare everyone and opinion is again swayed. The MINERVA type programs probably don’t even originate with Obama advisor Cass Sunstein, though clearly the Obama administration was fine with provoking US citizens to the brink of violence and then swooping down and arresting or shooting them, as whim dictates.

We also know what would happen to you, or a set of things that could happen to you, should you decide to blow the whistle. Really, we know a set of possible things that could happen. Yeah, they might really murder you. Or, make you so crazy that you’d be discredited and these programs that prove that what the United States claims it is an advocate for is a whole and complete sham would remain out of scrutiny.

Between the absolute impossibility that people would believe it even when presented with evidence and the prospect of sacrificing yourself for a bunch of people this naive, I reverse my position, and say don’t do it. It’s not worth the trouble. People are arrogant, petty, and exceedingly ignorant and get the government that they deserve. If there were ever an overblown, extreme causer of world misery, it is this country. Like Obama, the interrogators and scientists turned torturers, select members of Congress, and people like you, being the sole superpower has corrupted the psychology of the country as a whole. This only made mass manipulation easier.

It’s just not worth it. While, yes, there might be some other way to, as a friend put it on the phone recently, “save the world,” this is the only one that I would seem to have any influence over.

And it hardly seems worth saving. The truth is so far from the world view of even those who should know better…

Well, what would happen? The vast majority of people would not even hear about it. Just like all they see is a few seconds of Diane Sawyer or CNN of things blowing up and, rather than those who have control, blame the almost powerless because that’s what they’ve been taught. It’s like always blaming the victims of rape or police brutality, or assuming someone who is accused of a crime must be guilty because why would there be a trial if they weren’t?

Yeah, we’re a wonderful species. 🙂

Then, those who did hear would be split up into camps.

One camp would support you in word. Within that camp would be a subset of people who could actually help you. Of that subset, only a very few actually would. Not really a great motivator.

I thought about ending this post with something about not letting our paths cross again and I should, by rights, at least want to hunt you down and murder you. What you did was beyond cruel and you know it.

But you don’t care. You don’t care any more than our politicians do. And that was the lesson. Thanks for that. There is a certain comfort in knowing that you understand how things are, even if you don’t much like the answer.

And we both know that I wouldn’t do it. That said, I’d prefer not to ever see you again. Expect in your line of work, you would as well. Serendipity.

I will, of course, continue to fight. I can’t seem to get the message across that a) I don’t have any desire to murder other people, b) I don’t want to kill myself either, and c) I even more so have no desire to join your little merry band of psychopaths or anyone else’s. I just don’t. Standing on principle? Stubbornness? Don’t know. Guess I don’t like rewarding shitbaggery. And I think either Russia or China (or possibly ours pretending) finally made a move.


It is a proxy war, and you are a proxy, a pawn. Maybe you’ll get to be a real player, but I expect you’ll find that there’s always a bigger fish and you won’t ever escape the strings, the hold, the chains…however it is you think of it. It’s just a different game of the same on that level.

I guess the other reason I’ve done all of this is so I know that I tried and am therefore absolved of persecution from my own internal guilt mechanism. I warned them. Dumbasses won’t listen, won’t learn. What else can you do? You can’t even convince people who know there’s something really wrong…they just rationalize it away. It’s like magic.

Well, there’s Clarke’s Third Law.

The American Civil War certainly happened with the help of newspapers. And yet, as people did then and always will, we overestimate our own smarts and abilities. “I can’t be tricked.” “I can’t be hypnotized.”

I mean, W. R. Hearst managed to PSYOP the entire country into illegalizing marijuana, and still we will blame Mexicans for drug violence.

The Lindberghs did such a good job in the papers that they probably got the wrong people convicted.

As noted below, Cheney got that “liberal” New York Times to lie so he could, and we are constantly bombarded with Islamophobic messages. So much so that a fascist, paranoid FBI agent’s assertion that we are at war with Islam is actually more honest than Lindsey Graham’s qualification of “radical.”

And yet we think we see the truth. In simply considering what the majority of messages we receive say, we accept them by sheer number as the truth.

Seems like that was the basis for “The Big Lie.” But those people on TV seem so sincere, sound so knowledgeable, are talking to our leaders and why would they lie to us?

We think MINERVA is “research,” and not the test that it was. Damn, we’re asking to get screwed, practically begging for it.

The Age of the Multinational has come and brought with it the Age of the Psychopath.

And that’s cool and all. But could you do one favor and ask them to stop trying to recruit me?


And So It Came To Pass

When I wrote The Wisp, a story involving privatization of the intelligence community and warfare, I had thought that I was gazing down the road ten years or so. It wasn’t until the WaPo exposé Top Secret America that I realized it had already happened mostly in 2004 and 2005.

Twenty-two months ago or so, I started a “Fauxpocalypse” novel entitled Infernis. The idea behind the fake end times term, self-fulfilling prophecy can be as dangerous as, in my opinion perhaps moreso, than the supernatural. For the unfinished novel, a system that absorbs too much of those beliefs is susceptible to the same delusional thinking. Think HAL 9000 meets War Games.

Then, about 10 and a half months ago, started the sequel, Inthrallis. This one is in part based on experiences with some of those items listed in that old 1955 draft CIA MKULTRA memorandum:

11. Substances which will produce “pure” euphoria with no subsequent let-down.

12. Substances which alter personality structure in such a way that the tendency of the recipient to become dependent upon another person is enhanced.

I may expound on that later, but as I’ve noted below, the scope of the project quickly grew and before 1960 they were looking at what makes us decide to vote, child personality development, mental illness, minorities, criminals, hypnotism, means of control and altering personality, etc.

August of last year was before the MINERVA stuff made it into the news. It’s apparently gotten a nickname now, “FBULTRA,” which I think is appropriate.

The theme of Inthallis is similar in that it still circles around self-fulfilling prophecy but this time it’s a sort of anti-Christ figure. Superstition as crowd-control and flimflam predates even Judaism, so it should not be taken as an attack against religion as a whole.

Superstition and inquistion-lite are making big comebacks.


VICE, “EXORCIST REVIVAL,” Staff, 16 June 2014:

VICE, “Why the Vatican’s Recognition of Exorcism Is Important,” Kayla Ruble, 4 July 2014:

Witch Hunts:

NYTimes OpEd, “The Persecution of Witches, 21st-Century Style,” Motch Horowitz, 5 July 2014:

In some communities, it is chiefly young men who take on the role of witch hunters, suggesting that they may see it as a way to earn prestige by cleansing undesirables and enforcing social mores. That many of the self-appointed witch hunters are men highlights another baleful aspect of the phenomenon: The majority of victims are women. The Rev. Jack Urame of the Melanesian Institute, a Papua New Guinean human rights agency, estimates that witchcraft-related violence there is directed 5 to 1 against women, suggesting that witchcraft accusations are used to cloak gender-based violence.

Another factor, particularly in Central Africa and its diaspora communities, is the advent of revivalist churches, in which self-styled pastor-prophets rail against witchery and demon possession. They often claim to specialize in the casting out of evil spirits, sometimes charging for the service. Many of those congregations have emerged from Western evangelizing efforts.

Globalization means that paranoia over black magic and spirit possession are no longer confined to developing nations. Mass migration has made this a pervasive problem. In January, a Queens, N.Y., man was arrested for beating to death with a hammer his girlfriend, Estrella Castaneda, 56, and her daughter, Lina Castaneda, 25; Carlos Alberto Amarillo told the police that the women were “witches,” who had been “performing voodoo and casting spells” on him.

There’s lots more. Our ally and assistant chief shaper of foreign policy, Saudi Arabia, for example, and the UK.

Persecution of LGBTs:

MotherJones, “Meet the American Pastor Behind Uganda’s Anti-Gay Crackdown: Scott Lively has stirred up hate from Moscow to Kampala. Watch him in action,” Mariah Blake, 10 March 2014:

HuffPo, “Russia’s Anti-Gay Law Is One Of My ‘Proudest Achievements,’ Claims Pastor Scott Lively,” Gay Voices, 24 September 2013:

He also blames the Ukraine situation on gays, but then so does Putin:

The Advocate, “Putin Claims ‘Gay Nazis’ Behind Ukrainian Unrest: The Russian president takes a page out of a notorious antigay American evangelical’s playbook and claims that gay people are the cause of the current conflict in Ukraine,” Sunnivie Brydum, 16 May 2014:

The problem, the Ukraine’s neonazi movement is not Russia’s doing, but rather the US and NATO:

Global Research, “The U.S. has Installed a Neo-Nazi Government in Ukraine,” Michel Chossudovsky, 2 March 2014:

“The flowering of democracy” in Ukraine –to use the words of the New York Times– is endorsed by Republicans and Democrats. It’s a bipartisan project. Lest we forget, Senator John McCain is a firm supporter and friend of Neo Nazi Svoboda leader Oleh Tyahnybok (Image right).


And it comes back around full circle:

DailyMailUK, “Palin under fire over African pastor friend who waged witch-hunt against woman he believed caused car crashes,” Paul Thompson, 18 September 2008:

Lest you think 2016 and beyond will look any different:

Gawker, “You’ll Never Guess Hillary Clinton’s Favorite Book,” Hamilton Nolan, 16 June 2014:

NYTimes, “The Next Act of the Neocons: Are Neocons Getting Ready to Ally With Hillary Clinton?” Jacob Heilbrunn, 5 July 2014:

I really am starting to wonder about that brain injury–attributed to a fall–that Karl Rove has been accusing Hillary of having. I know, consider the source…but have some problems squaring Obama and Clinton on so many issues these days without resorting to the mind affecting tech and/or intimidation hypotheses.

MKULTRA Subproject List FOIA Updates

Especially given the recent Facebook hullabaloo *, it seems ever so timely to go through the available Freedom of Information Act releases with regards to MKULTRA and its subprojects. It is still a work in progress. In some cases, I found John Marks had more info that seemed to be available in the FOIA. In others, I found the text files CIA provided had more info. In others, the text file was nearly devoid of helpfulness and the meat was found among the documents themselves. The result is a mix of the three methods.

As you’ll see from the list, there are still several UKNOWN subprojects. We have mostly invoices and some proposals available. There are also a list of companies that I am not at all clear on their collaboration. The B&O Railroad, American Airlines, Greyhound, and J.P. Morgan, to name some. Also, lots and lots of drugs.

I’m going to hazard a guess that #18 was for a “Q-branch” style facility that got built by or under something else. Possibly with or by the Army. See 50, below.

Of particular interest, besides the aforeblogged voting decisions study under subproject 127, there are:

48: Study of Communist Police State psychology and sociology, undoubtedly so they could figure out how to import it.

50: Something that they tried to get around the Agency’s project justification process. “Just give me $500. Do not ask why.” MKNAOMI is why. Change order to the facility under 18?

54: Brain concussion as related to interrogation. “Possible to interrogate someone and they not even remember it? Let’s find out.” WHAM! “What was this subproject’s purpose again?”

Forget the threequel.

56: Alcohol consumption, absorption, at Universities. IOW, Spring Break.

57: LSD, insomnia, and you.

94: Remote direction control of living organisms.

96: Decision making.

98: Mass conversion study. Hello political upheaval.

107: Appears to be inserting individuals and cash into the WPA APA, where CIA’s Cameron was first president. Is this the MOCKINGBIRD effort in the psychiatry circles instead of journalism/media?

108: Ecological factors in natural groups. Guessing this is “Native North American” directed among other groups. You knew there had to be at least one study f—ing with those folks.

109: My favorite. How to turn an adult into a psychological adolescent or child psychopharmacologically. Adult libido, child thinking. Scott Ritter? Matt deHart? Two former fellow NJSF interns? Anthony Weiner? Others?

110: Pathogens and how to give them to people. Let me just open this…


* The New American, “Did Pentagon Help Fund Facebook’s Mood Manipulating Experiment?,” Joe Wolverton, II J.D., 2 July 2014:

Trapped (Updated)

(Modified first paragraph and attempted to clarify with a footnote at bottom).

Trapped inside my own head. That was how it felt. It was as though “I” was still in there some place, but the only ways to communicate with the outside world were through jokes, quoting song lyrics or movie lines and history and writing. Though there were certainly some things I was conscious of (the title of the novella Learning to Fly coming from the Pink Floyd song, sure. It’s relationship to what happened in the Minneapolis FBI office prior to 9-11, consciousness of that came later.* Still on another level, flying being equated with sex also but probably after the title was chosen. Finally, that one deceased band member road manager, whose laugh can be heard on a few tracks on the album, was the father of Naomi Watts named Peter… Well, yet another very bizarre coincidence), there were a great many that I was not. Looking back, it’s weird how some of the things I was not at all aware of but said seem to have been true.

References to the short story “Glass”, for example. The short story centers around two groups of human test subjects. One is completely sociopathic while the other is overly empathetic. As I recall (it’s now been years since I read it and that was in the months before Squidgate), all of the test subjects were sociopaths to begin with. SPOILER ALERT: What happens is that one of the empaths becomes afraid that one of the sociopaths is going to harm the doctor overseeing the project. The doctor of course winds up screwing over the empath. The overarching point, I suppose, this is what corporations do. Caring about other people is becoming a liability, remorseless murder a virtue.

That is what our society is becoming or has already become. The utterly unbelievable size and scope of our surveillance, security and war sectors are proof of it. That you cannot even get a sockpuppet arsonist arrested despite the obviousness of the situation (much less the puppetmasters themselves) is proof that the Rule of Law is just effing gone for anyone who isn’t a millionaire, billionaire, begins their name with Sen, Rep, Gen, or Adm, or ends their name in Inc or Corp. Worse, it actually protects criminals (as long as they only rip off the poor and middle class; that was Bernie Madoff’s mistake, he ripped off other rich people).

But back to the point. One of the effects was a bit like having a concussion, I assume. So much nonsense, combined with the drugs (as I wrote previously, there must have been more than one), it was just impossible to find my way back to the truth, much less be able to state it coherently. I was constantly reeling, trying to regain balance. Every day was an emotional roller coaster. Could not catch my psychological breath. (I think that should be enough metaphors to get the idea.)

The multiple drugs. I’m not clear on whether or not the euphoria, the love drug and the frisky drug were all the same. Could be. Feeling like everything is good could lead to thoughts that would under normal circumstances be part of evolutionary desires for procreation.

What was definitely separate was what I think of as removing the gatekeeper between the conscious and unconscious. Probably the same as “heightened awareness.” You notice things that you normally would not. Largely because that is a new experience, it is frightening. The model of a bridge in front of your condo would not normally be considered something to be afraid of. But under the influence of whatever drug (ETX, mefloquine, what-have-you) it suddenly is. Especially when the garbage men keep forgetting to pick it up. In fact the only reason it actually does get half-heartedly thrown into the compactor after two weeks of sitting on the curb, getting a little more and more damaged each day—were they trying to plant the idea of having me blow up the Blue Water Bridge? Sure sounds like something they would try—is because you happen to be on your balcony that morning just as they pull up and they just happen to notice you standing there watching them as they were about to leave it yet again.

Instead of just being conscious of .01% of stimuli you actually see unconsciously, you see .05%. Which means that the gatekeeper is not actually gone per se (one assumes that would cause catatonia or something) but that the “aperture” between consciousness and the rest is open far wider than normal.

(Kind of off-topic quickie I’ve been wanting to throw out there. Anyone know the anecdote about Douglas Adams breaking his leg? He was, I think, in New Zealand or thereabouts, trudging through jungle or similar terrain. He started laughing hysterically just after breaking his leg in a horrible way after slipping in some mud. Why? Mud + plant-name-I-have-forgotten that he was looking at when he slipped was a perfect, letter-for-letter anagram of his name. What does it mean? Something about how the brain is capable of working and that Adams had a very sharp one, I guess. That we are in the Matrix and he saw through it? Don’t think so. While I agree we barely see the world as it actually is, the idea that there is a higher order in charge is denied by the existence of nazis, corporatists, and people who talk in the movie theater).

The normal questions that follow some of my accounts are, “Why didn’t you…” take a picture, video, call the police, etc. Two reasons: drugs and voice-to-skull. Together: brainhacking.

It was one of the owners of the same deli where I saw that non-existent person, where I saw the three men in the white pickup emitting smoke from the truck’s tailpipe on the same day as the Conway’s condo fire, where I last saw the military man with the dog skulking outside Scahill’s, where the local drug dealer/pimp frequently started following me, where the NYPD detective gave me grief for mistakenly thinking me an animal abuser, where my former dog walker said that a friend of hers was a FBI agent and that somehow the justified Squidgate… It was there that one of the owners of the deli gave me grief for carrying my camera. It wasn’t even out, it was in the upper left breast pocket of my parka. Why did he start giving me trouble over carrying it when it wasn’t even visible, not in my hand, not even the original topic of conversation?

Obviously voice-to-skull. He might have thought he had other reasons. Those reasons are bulls***.

It was this incident that stopped me shopping there. I started going to the Egyptian-owned one instead a few blocks away. There was weirdness there as well. Note that stopping shopping there prevented me from asking to review the video footage (once that finally occurred to me) of the day I thought I saw my mysterious visitor.

But they followed up with the whole thing via V2K that somehow I had been “deputized” to help with whatever problem had been the cause of Squidgate. That was why ‘Balding’ and the Army nurse (as I think of her) had shown up at my doctor’s office, it was supposed to be a “spy physical.” Again, that feeling of well-being (too much oxytocin?) meant that hardly anyone had bad intentions. Besides, I thought it was so ridiculous that it must be true.

It was clear that all of that was bulls*** once the prompts to be violent or commit suicide started rolling in. Oh, there was still the belief that it must somehow have all been a mistake (I had done nothing wrong after all and this was Obama’s, not Bush/Cheney’s administration) but it was clear that that other false narrative was just to ensure I got to Port Huron in April in order to inexplicably go postal on Beaudry’s father and two brothers assuming they were the arsonists because it appeared that it had been them in the pickup the same day as the fire. They most likely were not. I don’t even think they were the ones in the truck. That was just another failed psyop.

And so this government still fails to do what it should. I understand full well that greed and corruption are difficult to overcome. If you want to demonstrate just how out of whack Executive power has become, start rounding them up and disallow access to attorneys. I guarantee a lot of squawking followed by sharp improvements in cooperation and the restoration of respectful discourse. There is nothing like being in the same position as The People to suddenly find some empathy for them. Nothing like being humbled to remind the high-mighty-and-corrupt that there still are possible repercussions for their actions.

Because I have no reason whatsoever to think that the next election will result in anything different than ’08 and ’10…and those were, starting in ’09 up to now, the worst years of my life.

Sure, I also understand that there are people worse off than me. That’s a bulls*** argument, though. The same s*** I’m getting smacked with is smacking them. It’s one and the same.

Except I’ve peeked behind the curtain. Grr. Chomp.

So try something new. Do your goddamn jobs…not the sorry excuse you have substituted them for. I mean protect the Constitution as you are sworn to do. For everyone…not just the select few.

* Let me be a little more accurate. I was, on some level, aware that I was being treated like a terrorist. I found (and still do sometimes) the mere notion hysterically funny. It is so far and away from who I am that it’s comi-tragic that it could ever be entertained by any serious member of the law enforcement or intel communities.

However, the actual 9-11 hijackers who were, the FBI was told, learning to take off but ignoring the landing training (a rather clear indication about what was intended) actually occurred in Kansas, as I recall. I had no idea that the Minneapolis office had any connection to it prior to moving there. Or, if perchance I read that somewhere prior to that, I was not the least bit conscious of it. I moved there because my ex said it was a decent place to move for writers, artists, and musicians. “The new Seattle,” he was told at his job. Which was at Google.

Whether or not there was any truth to Minneapolis being that, I never really found out. Between the continued (indeed, intensified) harassment and psyops and the scary-at-the-time fact that one of the writers I connected with suddenly found that her mother was on death’s door with cancer (and they did not have the money to treat her), I stopped going to the SciFi writers meetings.

Of course, the ideas floating in my head were backed up with voice-to-skull, and all of that was just a further attempt to violate my First Amendment rights and to isolate me further from anything approaching what was a normal social life, friends, etc. in the hopes they could still jostle me into violence of some kind.

No. I am only allowed to hang out with people with “issues” like Heath and ‘Gabe’. While I am not attempting to slight the latter in any way (he cannot help who he is, what he suffers from) if you think that’s my f***ing choice to be limited this way, you are out of your mind.

There is no going back to pretending things are normal, to pretending there’s nothing wrong. Just isn’t possible. What they fear is that I would get the opportunity to show that I am not delusional, not suffering from constant hallucinations, and that there is something to what I am saying.

There clearly is. Wake the f*** up.

Justifications (Updated)


(Added a few notes in parenthesis, made some minor revisions).

Just finished a novel. It’s a psychological thriller along the lines of The Silence of the Lambs except a lot scarier. Probably the most scary book I’ve ever read. I found myself both strongly desiring to put it down and continue reading at the same time. The writer is to be commended for causing such a cognitive dissonance.

(Should be noted that the novel’s basis is around the neuroscience understanding at the time it was written combined with a look at where future trends were headed. It’s not born of pure fluffy imagination. The concepts are centered around current theory).

Toward the end, the main character is forced to feel a sense of well-being a la brainhacking. He feels this way and so manufactures justifications for the horrible things that have occurred. This feeling of well-being supersedes bonds of love, family, what we call decency, etc.

So it was in 2005 for me one weekend in Indianapolis. I have covered that already on this blog, but it was some time ago, so here it is in brief again. A former Navy translator of Russian turned attorney named Anthony Gipe inserted himself into my social group at GenCon Indy. (There is a photo of us having dinner at P.F.Chang’s on Facebook.) His cover story was interest in my friend Thomas. Yet, he spent most of his time talking to me. Within several hours of out last discussion over dinner, I was suddenly feeling drunk without the loss of motor function. Judgment clearly was clouded. As I had no reason then to suspect anything amiss, assuming this new feeling was normal, I was not being terribly self-aware. I hit on someone. Nothing happened. But I was bizarrely giddy. After the feeling passed, I chalked it up to lack of sleep. “Punchy”, I think people refer to it as. But it was odd because, you may have noticed, I tend toward being loyal to people close to me and this was a betrayal of my partner of about ten years at this point.

As I also noted, I recall having that feeling again one day a few weeks or so later, but it passed quickly.

And then it returned on or about December 19, 2009. It was so intense that I had what I will call almost wet dreams. Just nearly to that point.

(And all of that without the need to hold my skull in place and use a special MRI, which is how it is basically done in the novel. We are beyond the need that, at least for altering some behaviors.)

This continued for weeks. The relationship starting to get rocky, the weird psyops and harassment going on, the Squidgate situation, etc. all somehow seemed a bit unreal. Everything was going to be fine. I could feel it.

Further, I recall spending a few hours sort of in love with one person or other. I think I once described the feeling as if rose petals are flying out of your heart. There is no pain. This is also what helped me to start running and working out after getting separated from my job. The harassment was often viewed as elaborate hoaxes. Humorous, typically, despite the sometimes very serious undertones.

When the event at the deli finally occurred in early January, as I said, it took some time before I even thought about it much again. It wasn’t until a more clear death threat (the one at McDonalds) followed by what I described as shock, followed by laughter and a sense of well-being again that it suddenly made fake sense: I was clearly in love with that person (who, as I said, doesn’t actually exist; there was something fake about that whole interaction) and because the feeling was so strong, it was clearly “meant to be”, had to be reciprocal.

Thoughts suddenly came to explain why I felt that way before laying eyes on him. Perhaps unconsciously I had seen him before, but merely forgotten the quick exchange that had occurred. Heck, maybe he and I shared a psychic bond. There were times when I could “feel” what he was feeling, “think” what he was thinking. (Those all turned out to be more phony use of the V2K or whatever. It all got cut off abruptly in May or June 2010, implying he “is not coming” because he is dead; see again short story “Ground Control” and recall I wrote previously that “He’s not coming” was delivered in S****’s voice a few times. Attempt again to provoke suicide or violence).

Also, a former boss and mentor had often noted that it wasn’t until you entered your 40s that you really knew what it was you wanted to do with your life, so there was also a sense of purpose: I could help undo some of the “mistakes” made in over-reacting to 9/11, for example. It could all be done peacefully because we’re all human, have the same emotions, etc. It “felt” right.

(This bizarre euphoria/sense of well-being in the face of disaster started to die down in 2011, I forget when exactly.)

The point being, this is how emotion affects thought. Feeling a certain way makes you then run around and justify it with reasons after the fact. (And of course, some of those justifications came via voice-to-skull).

(Yes, it’s probable that sometimes thoughts precede emotions as well. The point is, when that emotion is so overwhelming and you are not aware that it has an external source, you look for reasons why you feel that way. Conversely, I expect that intrusive thoughts probably lead to certain emotions or force disconnects from them. That’s the theory behind brainwashing, isn’t it? To program someone to think and feel the way you want. Torture is one way to alter personality. Altering brain chemistry directly is another. Do either for long enough and you have rewired the victim’s brain.)

(Now imagine if instead of euphoria, love, well-being, you use fear, hate, loathing. Coupled with propaganda pointing you at the cause, you have your wing extremes, people who shout at town hall meetings over things like healthcare, which would actually benefit them, over stupid things while their homes, social security and retirement funds disappear. Just jiggle the racist/xenophobic module in the brain. Instant Tea Party.)

The power of positive thinking did not bring in a not guilty verdict in the Squidgate trial. Nor did it bring peace, forgiveness and understanding between the parties involved. Nor did it bring that non-existent person to my door, nor I to his. Nor has it stopped, for example (I still maintain it’s among the least bad transgressions in the IC), FBI doing the planning, training, cajoling and providing of material support for planned terrorist attacks inside the United States. Nor has it stopped this entire mad program of creating chaos in order to justify budgets and further removal of privacy and civil liberties.

As I said, the game is fixed. The only way to unfix it is to show the wires, look up the sleeve, drag the bastards behind the curtain out by their pantslegs and expose them. Otherwise, accept slavery (perhaps accompanied by an artificial feeling of well-being) as a way of life for the 99%. Because that is where this is going.

I’ll just add that if they could trick me into being that deeply in love with someone I thought I saw in a deli for 45 seconds, then how hard do you think it will be to do that on a massive scale with someone who has a lot of media exposure? I would point to some of the very odd (bordering on pornographic) statements made by conservative fans of Sarah Palin, but I found them difficult to take seriously.

We all have justifications. I said this before recently too but will repeat it. I would have preferred this all had not happened, that it was all a long nightmare I could wake up from. Failing that, I would have preferred that one person was responsible. You know, like one rogue NSA agent.

Those are wishful thinking conclusions. They do not fit the facts. That the truth (as I have presented it) is so incredibly difficult to wrestle with and so undesirable should be an indication that it is not what I want at all and therefore is not a product of wishful thinking. It is the sum total of what I have witnessed, experienced, and inferred from reading the historical record.

Painful. Frightening. Enormous in scope. And yet must be dealt with. Or simply accepted. Which is it to be, folks?

One thing I kind of admired when I saw a Canadian conservative on TV the other night. His honesty. He made no bones about it. He as much as said he just doesn’t care about the poor. He’s a complete vulture capitalist and did not apologize for it, did not try to hide it behind straw men arguments based around someone else’s sexual preference or other social issues that had absolutely nothing to do with, for example, cutting social programs. That, at least, made things clear. Honesty and it’s ugly head.

False Narratives


I had planned to link to it, but kept losing the link. There was an interview with a former high-ranking officer on The Daily Show back in 2009. He was selling his book. The point of it: controlling the narrative is the key to winning wars in the 21st century.

Whether that’s staging the toppling of the Saddam Hussein statue (brought to you by INSCOM, if memory serves), lying about the circumstances of Pat Tilman’s death (turned out to be friendly fire), that someone like Dakota Meyer or Lynnae Williams is insane (I think I’ve explained both adequately; just aren’t certain as to why Lynnae was targeted), etc. it’s all about selling lies.

I have tried diligently to tell the truth. There are always a number of obstacles to doing that. Mostly, it’s memory. Some of this stuff happened quickly, some of it during periods in which I was drugged, sometimes I may not want to include details that might get someone else harmed.

It was probably July or August of 2010. Recall again that, “He’s not coming,” was repeated often referring to that unknown person I was brainwashed over. One of those messages, one of the first, came on “Juneteenth” (a Sunday set aside for various community events every year) at the park at which I was volunteering to help the DFL and OFA. That also coincided with my ex making it clear that we were through (though we did give it a brief go a few months later, but that was just so the CIA could try again to get me to target S**** by having my ex suggest it. I told him then no, that he was a witness as well. Damn this agency, it’s does more harm than good). Got that? Two “dear john” messages within minutes of each other. And then dealing with DNC bulls***.

(I will never forgive them trying to take advantage of my misery. Not ever. That we are engaged in a war that they may yet be forced to actually do something about, may actually have to do something besides talk to help the average American is all that there is to our “alliance.” As far as I’m concerned, they are only superficially different from the inhumans on the other side of the aisle. They have the same lack of empathy, the same selfishness, just maybe a little guilt they alleviate by pretending to help and then lose time and again to the GOP).

But that was June. Okay. He is not coming after all. Why?

They tried, and actually succeeded for a short period of time, in convincing me that he had jumped to his death off of the tall apartment building in Brooklyn where I had seen someone perhaps resembling him in February. That was where I forwarded the catalog that got returned “no such person.”

The reason for the jump was because of the novella (I think I recently referred to it as a novelette; these terms actually mean something in terms of length; novella is correct). In it, a character, Aron, jumps off of a cliff.

Now, do I need to spell that out? The person (who is not real, just a joke played on me in a deli in January of 2010, on my birthday no less) I was brainwashed to be dependent on through the careful use of psychology, drugs, voice-to-skull, etc., had committed suicide because of something I wrote. I “saw” it (this one was visual, fake remote viewing instead of remote listening). It seemed real even if it wasn’t.

Now, I wouldn’t say I completely believed it. But it was an explanation as to why, this person who had seemed so keen on me helping out Peter, could not or would not come and visit me once the trial was over.

I did believe it enough that I took down the novella from the blog. Maybe it was what was going to happen, not what already had.

The funny thing? Well, all of the characters are technically me, it’s always that way with authors, even in I suppose non-fiction. Because even then you are developing a “character” from other sources, picking and choosing what to include and in which order to present them. Even when that person actually exists.

But Aron was a lot closer to being “me” (with the euphoria) than who I imagined this other person to be. Ken, on the other hand is sort of a cypher. We don’t know much about what is going on inside Ken’s head.

That was the trick: sort of do a superficial this but a personality that. Switch them around and then at the end have them “merge” as one.

I don’t recall much of the days that followed thinking, as a dog does after only a few days of its owner’s absence, that he must be dead. There was a lot of drinking. A lot of sleeping during the day. A lot of crying, probably. A lot of dark, angry thoughts. I don’t much recall.

There were many other similar things they tried. Was he an operative, maybe one who worked with Anthony and ‘Balding’? Why the f*** not? Those two certainly didn’t mind inflicting pain one iota.

The one they pushed the most often was that he was from some wealthy family…you know…illuminati or whatever. That was backed up by reminding me of the weirdness surrounding a fellow D&D player who said he was interviewed to work for one of those extremely wealthy families who pretends to be middle class. They actually exist. Pretty sure it’s been covered in the press at some point. Primary reasons given for living that way are to give their kids (who may not even know how wealthy they are) a more middle class type upbringing and to avoid potential kidnappings. I think Paul McCartney at least tried to live that way to some extent at some point for his kids. Obviously, they knew who their dad was, that they were well off financially, but that was the idea.

Anyway the acquaintance did not get the job. “Was it a background check of some sort?” was what they tried to push. Well, that and you have to try commit suicide to be considered “brave” enough to be asked to join the illuminati and also be a complete evil prick. See how their bulls*** goes? Behave evil, do evil, and you’ll be rewarded by your dreamboat and riches…

Which is similar to the guy who shot Chasen in Hollywood. He was convinced he was getting $10,000 for the job, he told a neighbor, and yet police confirmed that he was never actually told that by anyone.

There are so many more they tried to pass off as fact, I’ll have to relate them later as they come. But using items 11 and 12 from the 1955 MK/ULTRA draft memo, followed by trying to make me think that I killed that person? That’s another assassination attempt. I grant difficult to prove because these people have no oversight and are never held responsible for what they do. Also, the technology and even the psychology has yet to be commonly known (again, Frey effect was discovered in the 1930s; why has it never been in a movie, on a science channel, etc.?). And it’s my word against the monsters’.

So that was it.

One other thing they did was after I found out on Facebook that my ex got married on 11/11/11 (despite assertions that we would keep in touch and be honest with each other—I assume he did it to inflict pain. And why not? it’s easy to kick people when they’re down, just ask CIA), I “heard” what was supposed to be his new hubbies voice say, “It’s none of his business.” Saw my ex around a month after that in December, he said no such comment was ever uttered, that his husband is laid back and left all of those decisions up to my ex. I believed that, which confirmed that at least some of the V2K stuff was complete lies.

Imagine if instead I had done what they wanted: confronted the two of them in anger. It’s a pattern. One that plenty of other people failed to notice in time and are now newspaper headlines as a result.

Yes. CIA and DOD are playing a proxy war. This is how Loughner and Breivik came to be. This is how they “built” Ted Kaczynski. This is how they drove Bruce Ivins insane.

And, why not? They have no compunction at all about inflicting death either. This is how they got several planes hijacked on 9/11. Recall, Charlie Wilson’s war—presence in Afghanistan, that is opportunity. Recall, oil and gas exploration in the 1990s in Afghanistan, that is one motive. Recall, Taliban visiting Texas, that showed interest in cooperation with American business, if not actual cooperation. Recall, Clinton refusing to recognize the Taliban government due to civil rights issues surrounding their treatment of women, followed by an assassination attempt by Al Qaeda that missed.

Yep. No wonder they are fighting so hard. The whole damn house of cards is in play.

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