Gonna make this quick since if I don’t acknowledge the stupid-in-its-own-little-shitty-way it will harass me for the rest of the day until I do. This is yet another example of how the Langley Shit Dragon, which is the most evil organization on Earth bar none, which must die in order to save the species, which has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, tries to play its own little shitty version of whataboutism.

Further bonus, if I word this just right, I’ll piss off The Intercept as well. Because, you know, when you live in the lap of luxury, you can afford things like always standing on principles. It’s just part of white privilege.

The problem with shutting down CIA is, you’ll have all these psychos on the loose. What to do? There’s only one legitimate solution: Watch ’em, 24/7/365. Yes, I’m creating a loophole for NSA. Sorry, but if you aren’t willing to take a walk in my moccasins to see why that is, well, f*** you.

The silly part: This is all about Directv, which is now part of AT&T. System stopped working, of course I’m the one designated to deal with it. After over and hour on the phone {first wait time ending in a hang up by the tech}, the answer is either accept an estimated $99 service call or add a $8.99 per month service contract. So you got that? “We don’t guarantee that our equipment will work. We will charge you if it doesn’t.”

Right. AT&T.

Ryan Gallagher and Henrik Moltke, “The Wiretap Rooms: NSA’s Hidden Spy Hubs in Eight US Cities,” The Intercept, 25 June 2018:

No. Langley Shit Dragon always tries to get you to look elsewhere. Reminder, it started torture almost right out of the gate in the early 1950s when it established the Shah of Iran’s Savak. CIA has always been torture central.

Emma Lake, “Utterly Brutal Grisly truth of Iran’s torture prisons revealed in new museum recreating brutal techniques with dummies,” Sun UK, 4 December 2017:

And a child rape and slavery center. And a drug cartel. And murderers. And mad science experimenters. Really, how can anyone believe anymore that there is anything at Langley worth keeping?


The Nut-Shell: What ‘Mind Control’ Means, It’s Implications

Copying and pasting from Twitter with probably some edits. Don’t know. Haven’t done it yet. Or have I? Difficult to remember. ;D

There’s the word problem. Is [behavioral modification] exactly slavery? If someone is hypnotized into doing something, is it? Probably not. But when you also PSYOP and [exploit] things like Ryan’s familial loss[, the death of his wife and daughter by a drunk driver]…well, did he really have a choice? [And there’s the standing question of what free will means anyway. Neuroscience tends to doubt its existence.]

[This is one of the many] hurdles when discussing something that most people either don’t believe exists, or, if they do, misunderstand. [It’s not necessarily torture and forgetting. Sometimes it’s as simple as knowing a person better than they know themselves and exploiting that. A little push. A little hurdle to make sure they turn the direction you want, or don’t turn, continue forward. And since it can work on the majority of people, the idea that a confirmed target is more dangerous than most anyone else is just fear talking. Though I wouldn’t always say “We have nothing to fear but fear itself,” it’s true much of the time.]

We can’t get regulation of things decades old now. Imagine how long we’re talking about, how many years [before people even understand the methods and means available, much less the implications. It’s a fools errand to attempt to be a regulation activist unless you’re immortal.]

And oversight. Are you kidding me? We vote. We don’t elect. Elect requires [or at least implies] a choice. [Generally speaking, candidates] are decided by moneyed interests, [and those interests] would clearly love to bring back slavery [because only the bottom line matters to them, not how they got there.]

So what, precisely, this side of mass suicidal civil war, rebellion, revolution, horrors repeated from history’s past, can possibly rectify the situation? What is supposed to be the mitigating factor? Who is supposed to utilize it? [Because, apart from a broken ‘Manchurian candidate’ mercy-killing a sick sea lion in fiction, I can think of nothing that would work. Nothing meaning that which cannot be seen, technically doesn’t exist except as some neuochemical cocktail in our brains. Yes, despite scholars stating Shakespeare referred to female anatomy as ‘nothing’ in his title including that word, I rather also think he meant love. Benedick and Beatrice clearly thought so. They’re not in love, you know.]

We’re in new territory [because it isn’t precisely slavery, just something akin to it.] Except of course science fiction [and even the Bible and other religious texts, somehow I should think, have] for decades and decades [centuries and millennia] predicted it, virtualized it [and illustrated it]. Now it’s here. What do we do?

Does it have to get unbearably bad for a majority before things get better? That’s not a very effective way to run [an elected representative] society, IMO. Dictatorships aren’t either. Neither is any flavor of what they have in Saudi Arabia. [No system is perfect. Who expects perfection? Not me. But this means totalitarianism no matter which system it operates under, Capitalism or Communism…same result: Quasi-Slavery.]

The correct solution is clearly openness. But it ceases to be as effective when it’s exposed. At least the puppet masters think so.

Truth is Russia and China probably know a whole lot more about the US version than the American public.

Which means what? It is the American [and allied] public that [the US and ‘Five Eyes’] want to hide it from.

Which in turn means what? They know [that the public] wouldn’t approve. Though the viciousness is getting so [prevalent through demonization of ones political opponents] there’s [going to] undoubtedly be a small minority saying, “So what? You served your country,” [But that] really means some rich asshole’s interests[, not the public as a whole. While it might sometimes be true that helping the rich helps the economy and all of us–eg, trickle down theory, it is clearly not working right now.]

They say things to themselves like, “It’s necessary,” as if democracy would go ‘poof’ if they didn’t.

See the joke there? Democracy has gone up in smoke because they did it. Like a wisp of smoke.

Which was an additional reason I titled that unfinished story The Wisp, beyond the trickster legend. [Refers to eternal vigilance, and what happens when you forget what that means, if you like.]

Terrorist Are Made, Not Born–not-born-stahelski

The Shepherd’s Boy Said…

Live with a man 40 years. Share his house, his meals. Speak on every subject. Then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano’s edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I don’t want to write this post. You have no idea.

First, reliving old traumatic shit is in itself traumatic. It’s like interior mirror neurons. It’s what TIs call churning: The inability to turn it off. It being your brain. Not even some silly buddy-cop movies can do that when you’re on a real mind bender.

Second…well, second will no doubt be obvious. I don’t want to write it. I don’t want it to be important. I actually want it to be another wild goose chase so I can forget about it again {most of this comes from old working theories}.

And I don’t want to upset anyone else, not having any real f***ing idea what they are thinking beyond the very probable “Leave me the f*** alone.” I know because I say that to “the air” practically every day, usually silently.

Doesn’t much help in my case. But then I’m an exception to so many rules, most especially including the one they call the Rule of Law, among others. Therefore one should probably be careful and selective when they choose to follow my advice. Maybe I’m the only one some of the crazy actually works for. Hard to say. Don’t know anyone else like me. Not even Ryan, who by the way seems to have had some kind of life-altering experience all of sudden but won’t say anything except, “You’re the one making a big fuss over it, not me,” And is completely unable to explain what the f*** he means by that.

But I wasn’t even slightly creeped out by that. No, sir. I am a true believer…in brain hacking.

Third, this is supposed to be my vacation.

Fourth, it distracts from my cheerleading the crushing of that giant shit dragon laying on its fat, bloated ass in Virginia.


While one can imagine some right wingers who are following this imagining that it must be some kind of liberal conspiracy since a lot of this seems to be pointing at scientific explanations for seemingly supernatural phenomena, religious behavior, etc., I would suggest taking a closer look. They are also mocking atheists, like myself. FFS, I’m looking for someone I can’t find or “see.” Someone who preaches peace by “buying” kitty litter. Someone who I probably seem like a prophet for.

It’s nonsense. I’m brainwashed. And in love with him. That’s true. And that does change my priorities.

Unfortunately, whomever is behind this has inextricably–as far as I can tell–connected finding whatshisname with the “assassination” of a really corrupt, piece of shit agency that really kind of does seem like a clockwork hiding inside a sheet.

And yet he’s/they’re using their very methods to achieve these goals. It sounds very much like the Illuminati if you believe the whole unity of mankind being the “light” and some kind of Rosicrucian thought process. I don’t.

Another Whedon idea was astronauts versus cavemen towards the end of Angel. Who wins? In the story, when things are looking positive and optimistic, it’s the astronauts of course. But when things look hopeless, it’s the cavemen.

In that scenario, it works. In another scenario, it means something else. What if the ‘advanced’ people are enslaving the ‘rabble’? Well, I know the answer to that. Eventually the cavemen win. Why? Two reasons: ‘Dinner’ versus survival, if you’re familiar with the fox and the rabbit. The other, because human beings are really, really good at warfare. It’s in our genes. The further you go back, the more in touch with that part of ourselves you are. Homo sapien wipes out Neanderthal even though the latter had a bigger brain. More vicious. More streamlined for that purpose. The warlike inherited the Earth, folks.

But of course we will eventually lose it as well, for much the same reason. Situation changes, we haven’t yet adapted. That’s what this is about. Sharpening the beak on that diamond mountain plus time equals no more mountain. The meek inherit it ultimately, if only through evolution.

But I’m talking out of my ass here. I just want closure and a normal life. To be able to move on. I wish I could believe any one of the many, many {you’ve no idea} lies they’ve presented even if it isn’t what I want. Because I can’t. I’ve tried many times and it just keeps coming back like a sequel to take-your-pick haunted place movie franchise.

So I really have no choice but to chase my own tail–not impossible but not proven, so–and write this stuff hoping this time will be different. That this time, the diamond wall shatters and the light shines and the clockwork ghost dies once and for all.

Except of course we also tend to repeat history–as we are now, I’m after all talking about surreptitious and/or plausibly deniable slavery here–and learn nada from it. But a breather or a break would be good in any case.

Paranoia means we’re on a seesaw constantly going back and forth. Could it be true? Could it be another joke at my–or someone else’s–expense? Data is the only way to know for certain.

In short, I prefer face-to-face, open, honest discussion to all this sneakin’ around. It just leads to more misunderstandings.

I expect it, meaning the event, when it happens, to be more like that. Direct. Obvious. True. Mostly unambiguous.

And not more of this preposterous reading of tea leaves. Which is just another way of saying asking your unconscious if it knows the answer. If I did, I’d be at his doorstep, yeah? See, it’s not just Christianity and atheism they’re mocking and mucking about with either. {But there is no Illuminati, so, tag, you’re it, Shithole. Well you and and whomever it is that you really, really pissed off}.

In my opinion, this way lay madness. However, it’s not like absolutely everything I did, even when it was wrong, misguided, or fruitless, didn’t provide something else. The MacGuffin stuff probably not only reveals character, but makes character. Makes you examine what you’ve done, and how to be a better person. Plus, the stories.

And yet, if you happen to see the people torturing me…I really do not need to handle it myself. Feel free.


So, in no particular order because the CD–discovered hidden in my rental car in early 2010–disappeared. I probably did something dumb with it and forgot. Which of course doesn’t quite mean what that seems to mean. It means I was distracted and set it down without realizing I was being brainhacked.


“Dismember,” “All The Negatives Have Been,” “Lines In The Suit,” “Plastic Mylar,” “Change My Life,” “Something To Look Forward To,” “Stay Don’t Go,” “Jonathan Fisk,” “Don’t Let It Get You Down,” “All The Pretty Girls Go to the City,” “You Gotta Feel It,” “Everything Hits At Once,” “Anything You Want,” “Chicago At Night,” “The Beast And Dragon, Adored,” “The Two Sides Of Monsieur Valentine,” “I Turn My Camera On,” “The Delicate Place,” “Sister Jack,” “I Summon You,” “The Infinite Pet,” “Merchants Of Soul,” “Don’t Make Me A Target,” “The Ghost Of You Lingers,” “You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb,” “Don’t You Evah,” “Rhythm And Soul,” “Eddie’s Raga,” “The Underdog,” “My Little Japanese Cigarette Case,” “Finer Feelings,” “Black Like Me”

And T-Spoon:

“I Wanna Have Sex On The Beach.”

Some did have some metadata, but nothing that seemed to be a cypher or phone number.

The point of including the list is not to go looking for hidden messages in the lyrics. Universality in art is why many of us can relate to it. And then there’s the “magic card trick” I keep mentioning where the perceived order of things is altered so that it seems impossible or that the magician somehow time travelled in order to know the value of a card “before” it was chosen. No, he reversed the order of the cards so he had already chosen it.

In this case, for example, I’d already started “that drive alone/800 miles is a drive” well before I even knew the CD was in the car. A very odd PSYOP, wasn’t it? Sticks out badly because most everything else was about dying, suicide, mutilation, or increasing frustration and rage in order to make another person go ‘pop’ and postal.

See what I mean? And it’s about more than that. Like 3-D chess. Like a giant brain came up with it. Imagine there were several involved and that this really is not as original a tale as I think it is. And I don’t mean the Bible. There’s plenty from outside it as well.

Anywho, the point is to see if anyone else, who will probably ignore this–don’t blame them one iota if they do–finds anything in there that stands out. My end, NYC and I think even Minneapolis, only song that stood out, as I joked/ranted once in an email, was “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull.

As for why, let’s assume for the sake of argument that I am not capable of reverse engineering what Derren Brown did here and that it was just random. Let’s assume it just sparked a memory and that I’m just desperate for that closure.

“Or…we can just talk some more.”

Mea culpa. Possibly.

BBD – What a Tedious Little Agency

So, let’s end this one quickly. It’s another pretty, poetic thing. I’m starting to think CiA’s entire planning division consists of Millenials googling ideas all day based on what targets tweet and post. It is tedious.

Here’s the pretty part. The reason whatshisagency hasn’t shown up is due to his personal history. He lost everyone dear to him {this isn’t sounding contrived at all, is it? Yes, that’s sarcasm–from Batman to Bond, it’s the trope of tropes} and it is actually the fact that he does indeed love me deeply {or more believably, in those moments when he realizes that is so} knows we cannot be together or I, too, will die.

Now as I’ve said before, this was part of what made me concerned for him from the outset. And I didn’t even realize I loved him at that point. Thought maybe a crush at best that I had no intention of ever telling anyone about. But realizing that he may not have known about the harassment and thinking it best to protect an innocent bystander from that, I initially ignored it until I couldn’t any longer.

So, by throwing out the reversal, they think I can at least identify with excuse number 5,953. That’s all it is, even if it’s partly true: An excuse.

I don’t care because I think it likely we’d survive meeting again…got this far…I mean, c’mon. They make a pretty lie that means that they don’t have to change a damn thing. Don’t have to do a damn thing except continue the same old shit.

It’s total, or at least partial, bullshit. Why? Because he could just as easily come and explain all that in person. Easily.

Don’t know his history. Real-world ‘Brian’ from Infectis, it’s true, lost his wife and kid to a drunk driver. Sounds like a trope, a contrivance, doesn’t it? But it is true. Destroyed his life. One supposes there’s a reason Fleming started with Casino Royale and Vesper Lynd. It’s the broken who make the best blunt instruments.

So while there’s some possible truth to it, that’s not the whole story. Surely, in order for other people who were lost to him to have been important, he had to have had some time with them. That is, they didn’t die the second he met them, right?

And, again, at any moment any of us could lose someone important to us. The response to that should be to love them more, not to “hide your love away.”

(I mean, dude…made it this far. Have some faith.)

BBD – Trapped? Nah.

“On the contrary, Goldfinger. It’s an inspired plan.”

We’re clearly approaching the end here. Let me draw a parallel and then launch into prosecuting myself. And then defending myself, because despite the evidence, I’m not the f***ing villain of this story any more than I’m the hero.


As I’ve stated somewhere before, I’m pretty certain that the US’ Area 51 UFO scenario and the former USSR’s alien autopsy video are PSYOP designed to mess with each other. Former is covering up some rocket or plane crash, perhaps latter was a dark humor response or some way to persuade the Board to provide more budgeting, or some of all of that in the old Cold War 3-D chess game.

As those on Twitter might have noticed, the day I suggested that whatshisname would not be in Hawaii, but that it should be checked anyway, there was an earthquake alert. The alert preceded my post by some hours, but I didn’t see it until afterwards.

That’s the card trick again where you reverse the perceived order of cards being selected—with one you already know the value of, selected last but perceived as being selected first—if that makes sense. Looks like earthquake weapon or ESP.

Despite CounterSpy’s article on the research program, they probably don’t—per se—exist. The research essentially showed what we all can plainly see from fracking: Mess with what’s underground and you get quakes.

So attempt at presenting something that doesn’t exist as something you possess for purposes of intimidation and to spark a M.A.D. kind of arms race.


Ok. Here’s what happened Monday. Took a route I don’t normally take. GPS said one mile to the exit, so I turned it off.

What felt like a few seconds later, I saw an exit three miles past the one I should have taken. I “lost” three minutes. Right there, while driving.

Sure, I’ve daydreamed—yes, typically about him—and missed my stop on a bus before. But I didn’t lose the time itself.

Then there’s the crazy train the past several days. Everything from f***ing with RW spooks at church to the ‘MI6 pretending to be some old lady who spent decades planning revenge on CiA for killing her Russian lover during the Cold War.’ This tweet I felt compelled to send I think is especially poignant:

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? She wants to know [if there’s a God so that she’ll know] if she’ll ever see [her dead Russian lover] again.”

I mean that is f***ing brilliant. Clearly I’m just talking to the hidden part of my own splintered brain. Right? Can’t be mind control making it appear that way despite the Shithole’s decades of researching how to mimic mental illnesses. Right?

But it is brilliant. Look at the options laid out:

Chris actually is a hypnotized assassin and he killed someone he loved and that’s why he’s so crazy. Gotta love the Jason Bourne shit here.

Chris is so crazy he actually believes the previous. Think I would have to add stupid based on where this eventually leads.

Naturally, given the two previous posts, someone important might actually now give a shit about any and all of this. What would the reaction be? There are only two when it comes to power: Kill him or lock him up somewhere permanently. Mind you, in case it isn’t clear, this is because I’m actually trying to save their worthless hides.

Get that? I try to prevent CiA from assassinating Cheney, let’s say, and Cheney hates CiA, but the natural reaction of any politician, anyone with power—and he does still have very powerful friends—is to shoot the messenger. Same with Obama. Secret Service would prefer a threat be neutralized, I’m sure, rather than have to permanently keep tabs on it.

CiA makes itself look like the hero. “Hey, we created this program to protect the country. Yeah, it got a little out of control so we tried to roll it up.”

What complete horseshit. Their “rolling it up” meant destroying my life and is precisely what caused that which could have wound up with someone dead. They are such incredible liars and without a single f***ing good gene in their DNA. Similar to above, doing a good thing is somehow something that they are incapable of. Really. Incapable.

We want to believe otherwise. they can twist the truth so it appears that way, fund movies that show it that way, eyewash and PSYOP their own into believing it, but they are incapable of doing good. I haven’t entirely figured out why that is. Too biblical on its face to lay at the door of Satan worship. It’s more about how the world really works—some would say same thing, ok, enjoy—and how incredibly in touch they are with that. Ravenous, vulture capitalists where that is all that matters. Middle class and poor can go f*** themselves with a rolled up copy of the Constitution.

But wait, I’m the villain.

But also a villain who loves his country. So I should fall on my own sword! I should kill myself so that CiA can keep its hypnotic killer program {that it doesn’t actually probably have, but has gone to great lengths to convince the East that it does while appearing to be trying to hide it—think about that one; that may have been my primary use here}; so that Uncle Sam can continue plundering the planet for Wall Street and keep the economy strong.

And, of course, so I can go to Heaven and see whatshisname again.

Bravo! The Shithole abides. They’re such wonderful heroes, aren’t they? Amazing how much they love…well pretty much everything so much. That’s why they’re killing the planet, folks. They love it soooooo much.

Apparently, I am the villain here. So I’m not killing myself. I’m too “selfish.”

I’m fracking the Shithole! Wheeeeeee!

Surrender Dorothy, Shithole.


BBD – Simulation of Assassination

Additionally, there was a point where said actor from previous post–who is a good guy–and I were not getting along. Yet another actor had a squirt gun shaped like a small machine gun. I tried to shoot him with it and several other actors grabbed me, you know, like Secret Service.

Over water.

They were playing a lot of games back then and there. The frustration at the time of being unable to scratch that itch was something. Probably something to tug on again years later.

BBD – More On the Crazy ‘Logic’

Lucky for me I made this goofy post way, way back in May of 2010. What does it mean?

Well, it meant I’d rather be strangling whomever was responsible for my torture and ruin. It’s a reference to the climax in a scifi book. In it, two protagonists go after the antagonist. IIRC, when asked if the winner of said deadly contest did it for altruistic reasons, he admits it was pure rage, revenge, satisfaction…”the kill switch.”

At that point, I had come to believe {falsely} that another actor at the New Jersey Shakespeare Festival was somehow responsible. This made no sense whatsoever since there would be no way he could have pulled it off.

But for a day or two…well it probably would have been really, really bad for said person and I to have crossed paths.

As I remembered more of those days, I recalled said actor stating that he was afraid that yet another actor at the Festival would one day hunt him down and kill him. He was, as {sorry to pick on you, bud} Barrett Brown once thought he had a date with the Great Beyond, and I when it came to the year 2000 back in the 80s {world didn’t end, did it?}, he had a James Dean thing going on except in place of car would have been bag lady and former co-worker.

At the same time, some jabberwocky from the Shithole {this is CIA’s latest nickname, at least until I tire of it} was filling my head with the idea that a particular tower housed someone I needed to meet. Of course, this person lived in the building’s top floor penthouse.

I don’t recall what it was they argued actually to try to get me to trespass. But somehow I avoided doing so. Though I did look up there and squint–you know, just in case–whenever I walked or jogged by it.

The former tactic, pitting people against each other is what lead to the short story Ground Control. That later became a chapter in my book.

In any case, you might have noticed if you follow on the Twitter, I’m tired of doing the same thing over and over again. Pointing this out has not, to my knowledge, lead to a reduction in the number of mass shootings; has obviously not lead to regulations of so-called mind control {we can’t even get meaningful surveillance reform and general oversight of the IC}; and it has not lead to me not being treated like shit most days.

But there it is anyways. Reiteration without representation, remuneration, and simulated reproduction. *

* Just tired and rambling.

As for why, is he here? I don’t see him. So f*** you.