BBD – The Quick Note

Would you–if you were the target of a corrupt, powerful agency that funds itself by importing, manufacturing, and selling illegal drugs into its own country, that openly had assassinated American citizens, had tortured–reveal when they succeed in getting to you? Would you be that stupid? Or ballsy?

Well, I’m just sick enough of Groundhog Day to do just that.

Let me back up a bit. Due to the extreme harassment I received beginning in December of 2009–the goal of which as I’ve pointed out time and again including my Reddit IAMA–was to make me go postal: That is, to do something violent over which they could further justify more harsh measures, increase their “market share” of terror suspects to include LGBTQetc, and remove me, a witness to illegal activities, from the playing board all at the same time.

Due to that harassment, I never really–after all these years–had the time and luxury of processing the end of my 14.5 year long term relationship. I am assuming the incessant dreams, going on since June or July or so, are a message for me to acknowledge this fact. I don’t know or understand why. I’m just doing it in the hopes that they stop.

More probably the Langley Shit Dragon will instead redouble them. This is because it’s made of shit and run by shitty small-hearted psychos who only care about pampering people like their contractors Erik Prince and Jeff Bezos. They’re everything they’ve ever called any enemy and then some. They’ve interfered in US elections and it doesn’t even get mentioned in MSM. They’ve, again, assassinated American citizens–not really a secret, just not discussed–and doesn’t warrant a mention. It’s not just destroying and undermining democracies worldwide, CIA does it at home as well with FBI’s help.

But I seem to have gotten off-topic.

Right. Never married. We could have I suppose. Had friends who went out of state to do that. Why didn’t we? Well, I’m reasonably certain that this whole thing was planned quite a ways in advance. Too many old psychological landmines exploding all over. I had a friend who seemed to go bonkers and run off; he had a friend at UIUC who did that same. Despite being–in between just being dazzled, drugged and confused–aware of the old friend’s situation, there was nothing I could do to stop the same happening to me. Not a single damn thing. It like these was a constant, overwhelming army of spooks out there making sure it all went sideways.

And so it’s only now, the distraction of constant wariness due to this or that crisis coming and going or just coming and lingering for weeks on end, a lull in this ill-advised, self-defeating and ultimately pointless and fruitless–for both CIA and myself!–“war” that I have the time, the luxury of time, to consider the only thing I lost that really mattered to me; the only relationship in my life that ever really worked.

And how I’m the one who brought him to NYC where he went from job to job to wind up at Google. Google is, and from what I can now tell, always was, a surveillance project that combined itself with advertising. Get the consumer to pay for his own surveillance, not unlike getting Americans to pay for illegal CIA ops by purchasing illicit drugs from CIA, mostly unwitting, assets.

And, jumping back to the personal, of course that leads you back to…what am I calling him now? Mr. Crutch might be the most appropriate. The one who got me over the hump that is the real point of this post assuming there actually is one.

Well. There it is then.


BBD – Operational

Come a little bit closer…

Come a little bit closer…

Ran across the article below the other day. And, in typical fashion, it took me five days to connect the dots. See, despite everything I’ve seen and experienced, I still react initially much the way everyone else does: “Just one of those things.”

1988 – 1990

This is not just one of those things. This is another puzzle piece regarding what’s really going on and why they used us as guinea pigs at the NJSF back in the late 1980s. As I’ve noted several times and places, I was there in 1989 and 1990. The previous year, one actress had kind of gone crazy and spent a lot of time, money, energy attempting to figure out what was wrong. Both years I was there another actress each year likewise had problems.


Gene Maddaus, “Former ‘ER’ Actress Vanessa Marquez Shot and Killed by Police,” Variety, 31 August 2018:

Last October, Marquez alleged that she was blacklisted from “ER” by co-star George Clooney after complaining of racial discrimination and sexual harassment.

“Clooney helped blacklist me when I spoke up abt harassment on ER.’women who dont play the game lose career’I did,” she wrote on Twitter.

Clooney issued a statement at the time saying he had nothing to do with casting on the show.

“I had no idea Vanessa was blacklisted,” he said. “I take her at her word. I was not a writer or a producer or a director on that show. I had nothing to do with casting. I was an actor and only an actor. If she was told I was involved in any decision about her career then she was lied to. The fact that I couldn’t affect her career is only surpassed by the fact that I wouldn’t.”

It’s really not difficult, even when you’ve been through what someone like me has, to see that someone who tried to help impoverished Africans at a time when the likes of CIA and Booz Allen Hamilton were ass-deep in stirring up trouble all over the continent for future military misadventures would be a target of smear campaigns run by the likes of CIA, FBI counter-intelligence, and/or the black bag departments of both major political parties {yes, I said both despite his support of Obama and Clinton}.

Anyway, there it is. Who do you contact when there’s a standing agreement between CIA and DoJ to not prosecute? When both major political parties run black ops on each other and the public with such regularity that it’s become normal? When FBI believes it is its job to “protect” America from free thought and anti war protest? * And that all those lines, plus private contractors acting as intelligence agencies for anyone who can pay them, are blurred.

* When it comes to the latter, FBI once had an internal handout flier lumping unions and environmental activist groups and Nazi and white supremacy groups together as similar threats. I don’t think that mentality has changed at all over there, unless it’s that the Nazis are okay.

Several Topics Briefly

You might recall my review of VICE UK’s Meet the Targeted Individual Community. Spoilers: It ends with disappointment due to the inability to prove that they have electronic chips inside their bodies. I suggested that it is A} easy to convince someone in their position that they have been chipped and B} this serves an operational purpose: To make them more likely to follow a command or subliminal suggestion because they think that they cannot not follow it due to being chipped. Shorter: Convincing them that they are chipped serves as a placebo to make them more compliant.

Well, the KUBARK {CIA’s code name for the project} Counterintelligence Interrogation Manual suggests convincing interrogatees that they have been drugged for much the same reason: It is proven that it increases the likelihood of compliance in the interrogation. This is in the chapter on hypnosis, which by the way suggests that it is possible to get someone to do something outside their normal range of behavior, etc., contrary to conventional, public thought about hypnosis.

Northwest Research & Covert Book Report, “Weaponized Hypnosis – Part 1, The Kubark Manual,” 12 August 2018:


My sources tell me that CIA is cooking fentanyl and is involved in mixing it with heroin inside the US {remember that exploding government meth lab 30 minutes from Ft. Detrick?} in order to make it appear as if China is importing fentanyl into the US and is therefore responsible for the opioid crisis here instead of CIA importing poppy from Afghanistan in order to fund an unlimited number of illegal programs/operations.

This is an instructional situation. This is what CIA always seems to do: Take a bad situation that it created and make it worse. I cannot think of a single exception.


I remind readers that 9/11 was Micheal Ledeen’s idea carried out by Saudi intelligence and CIA cajoling and directing of Al Qaeda. Prior and post to 9/11, CIA through US AID radicalized generations of Afghan and Pakistan children using books:

Joe Stephens and David B. Ottaway, “From U.S., the ABC’s of Jihad,” 23 March 2002, Washington Post:

Jihad had a very different meaning before CIA turned it radical. Going on a diet or quitting smoking were considered jihad.

Anyway, guess what happened in New Mexico recently? Authorities found a compound of people abusing children and training them to clear rooms with assault rifles. There were some interesting religious beliefs attached to it all. The leader? Came to the US from Saudi Arabia. The evidence? Includes various books being used to radicalize the kiddies.

Gadi Schwartz over at NBC has covered the court proceedings and what the police have said. They initially thought the kids were being trained to shoot up schools, which FOX News jumped on. Turns out they were instead talking about attacking banks and one supposes the FBI.

This entire thing has CIA fingerprints all over it. And Saudi intelligence. Haven’t we done enough for those oil monarchs? Thought they were pissed at Canada right now.

Here’s a tweet from the middle / evidence section of Gadi’s twitter thread on the story.


Ukraine’s army has officially changed its salute to a Nazi greeting. As the radicalization of Afghanistan and Pakistan lead to 9/11, we can expect probably a nuke, biological weapon, or dirty bomb some time in the next few decades from Nazi terrorist groups CIA created in order to destabilize Ukraine.

Mordechai Sones, “Nazi collaborator greeting becomes official Ukraine army salute,” Israel National News, 16 August 2018:


Black Boot Diaries

And none of this post would have happened if I hadn’t dreamed about the same person again this morning that I have I think for the last ten days or more. This morning’s sleep deprivation subliminal suggestion-inspired dream took the form of his having become a convicted drug offender.

And, by the way, it’s probably not the person you think. Rather someone who’s been out of my life for a long time. Every night for ten plus days.



Gonna make this quick since if I don’t acknowledge the stupid-in-its-own-little-shitty-way it will harass me for the rest of the day until I do. This is yet another example of how the Langley Shit Dragon, which is the most evil organization on Earth bar none, which must die in order to save the species, which has no redeeming qualities whatsoever, tries to play its own little shitty version of whataboutism.

Further bonus, if I word this just right, I’ll piss off The Intercept as well. Because, you know, when you live in the lap of luxury, you can afford things like always standing on principles. It’s just part of white privilege.

The problem with shutting down CIA is, you’ll have all these psychos on the loose. What to do? There’s only one legitimate solution: Watch ’em, 24/7/365. Yes, I’m creating a loophole for NSA. Sorry, but if you aren’t willing to take a walk in my moccasins to see why that is, well, f*** you.

The silly part: This is all about Directv, which is now part of AT&T. System stopped working, of course I’m the one designated to deal with it. After over and hour on the phone {first wait time ending in a hang up by the tech}, the answer is either accept an estimated $99 service call or add a $8.99 per month service contract. So you got that? “We don’t guarantee that our equipment will work. We will charge you if it doesn’t.”

Right. AT&T.

Ryan Gallagher and Henrik Moltke, “The Wiretap Rooms: NSA’s Hidden Spy Hubs in Eight US Cities,” The Intercept, 25 June 2018:

No. Langley Shit Dragon always tries to get you to look elsewhere. Reminder, it started torture almost right out of the gate in the early 1950s when it established the Shah of Iran’s Savak. CIA has always been torture central.

Emma Lake, “Utterly Brutal Grisly truth of Iran’s torture prisons revealed in new museum recreating brutal techniques with dummies,” Sun UK, 4 December 2017:

And a child rape and slavery center. And a drug cartel. And murderers. And mad science experimenters. Really, how can anyone believe anymore that there is anything at Langley worth keeping?

The Nut-Shell: What ‘Mind Control’ Means, It’s Implications

Copying and pasting from Twitter with probably some edits. Don’t know. Haven’t done it yet. Or have I? Difficult to remember. ;D

There’s the word problem. Is [behavioral modification] exactly slavery? If someone is hypnotized into doing something, is it? Probably not. But when you also PSYOP and [exploit] things like Ryan’s familial loss[, the death of his wife and daughter by a drunk driver]…well, did he really have a choice? [And there’s the standing question of what free will means anyway. Neuroscience tends to doubt its existence.]

[This is one of the many] hurdles when discussing something that most people either don’t believe exists, or, if they do, misunderstand. [It’s not necessarily torture and forgetting. Sometimes it’s as simple as knowing a person better than they know themselves and exploiting that. A little push. A little hurdle to make sure they turn the direction you want, or don’t turn, continue forward. And since it can work on the majority of people, the idea that a confirmed target is more dangerous than most anyone else is just fear talking. Though I wouldn’t always say “We have nothing to fear but fear itself,” it’s true much of the time.]

We can’t get regulation of things decades old now. Imagine how long we’re talking about, how many years [before people even understand the methods and means available, much less the implications. It’s a fools errand to attempt to be a regulation activist unless you’re immortal.]

And oversight. Are you kidding me? We vote. We don’t elect. Elect requires [or at least implies] a choice. [Generally speaking, candidates] are decided by moneyed interests, [and those interests] would clearly love to bring back slavery [because only the bottom line matters to them, not how they got there.]

So what, precisely, this side of mass suicidal civil war, rebellion, revolution, horrors repeated from history’s past, can possibly rectify the situation? What is supposed to be the mitigating factor? Who is supposed to utilize it? [Because, apart from a broken ‘Manchurian candidate’ mercy-killing a sick sea lion in fiction, I can think of nothing that would work. Nothing meaning that which cannot be seen, technically doesn’t exist except as some neuochemical cocktail in our brains. Yes, despite scholars stating Shakespeare referred to female anatomy as ‘nothing’ in his title including that word, I rather also think he meant love. Benedick and Beatrice clearly thought so. They’re not in love, you know.]

We’re in new territory [because it isn’t precisely slavery, just something akin to it.] Except of course science fiction [and even the Bible and other religious texts, somehow I should think, have] for decades and decades [centuries and millennia] predicted it, virtualized it [and illustrated it]. Now it’s here. What do we do?

Does it have to get unbearably bad for a majority before things get better? That’s not a very effective way to run [an elected representative] society, IMO. Dictatorships aren’t either. Neither is any flavor of what they have in Saudi Arabia. [No system is perfect. Who expects perfection? Not me. But this means totalitarianism no matter which system it operates under, Capitalism or Communism…same result: Quasi-Slavery.]

The correct solution is clearly openness. But it ceases to be as effective when it’s exposed. At least the puppet masters think so.

Truth is Russia and China probably know a whole lot more about the US version than the American public.

Which means what? It is the American [and allied] public that [the US and ‘Five Eyes’] want to hide it from.

Which in turn means what? They know [that the public] wouldn’t approve. Though the viciousness is getting so [prevalent through demonization of ones political opponents] there’s [going to] undoubtedly be a small minority saying, “So what? You served your country,” [But that] really means some rich asshole’s interests[, not the public as a whole. While it might sometimes be true that helping the rich helps the economy and all of us–eg, trickle down theory, it is clearly not working right now.]

They say things to themselves like, “It’s necessary,” as if democracy would go ‘poof’ if they didn’t.

See the joke there? Democracy has gone up in smoke because they did it. Like a wisp of smoke.

Which was an additional reason I titled that unfinished story The Wisp, beyond the trickster legend. [Refers to eternal vigilance, and what happens when you forget what that means, if you like.]

Terrorist Are Made, Not Born–not-born-stahelski

The Shepherd’s Boy Said…

Live with a man 40 years. Share his house, his meals. Speak on every subject. Then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano’s edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man.

I cannot begin to tell you how much I don’t want to write this post. You have no idea.

First, reliving old traumatic shit is in itself traumatic. It’s like interior mirror neurons. It’s what TIs call churning: The inability to turn it off. It being your brain. Not even some silly buddy-cop movies can do that when you’re on a real mind bender.

Second…well, second will no doubt be obvious. I don’t want to write it. I don’t want it to be important. I actually want it to be another wild goose chase so I can forget about it again {most of this comes from old working theories}.

And I don’t want to upset anyone else, not having any real f***ing idea what they are thinking beyond the very probable “Leave me the f*** alone.” I know because I say that to “the air” practically every day, usually silently.

Doesn’t much help in my case. But then I’m an exception to so many rules, most especially including the one they call the Rule of Law, among others. Therefore one should probably be careful and selective when they choose to follow my advice. Maybe I’m the only one some of the crazy actually works for. Hard to say. Don’t know anyone else like me. Not even Ryan, who by the way seems to have had some kind of life-altering experience all of sudden but won’t say anything except, “You’re the one making a big fuss over it, not me,” And is completely unable to explain what the f*** he means by that.

But I wasn’t even slightly creeped out by that. No, sir. I am a true believer…in brain hacking.

Third, this is supposed to be my vacation.

Fourth, it distracts from my cheerleading the crushing of that giant shit dragon laying on its fat, bloated ass in Virginia.


While one can imagine some right wingers who are following this imagining that it must be some kind of liberal conspiracy since a lot of this seems to be pointing at scientific explanations for seemingly supernatural phenomena, religious behavior, etc., I would suggest taking a closer look. They are also mocking atheists, like myself. FFS, I’m looking for someone I can’t find or “see.” Someone who preaches peace by “buying” kitty litter. Someone who I probably seem like a prophet for.

It’s nonsense. I’m brainwashed. And in love with him. That’s true. And that does change my priorities.

Unfortunately, whomever is behind this has inextricably–as far as I can tell–connected finding whatshisname with the “assassination” of a really corrupt, piece of shit agency that really kind of does seem like a clockwork hiding inside a sheet.

And yet he’s/they’re using their very methods to achieve these goals. It sounds very much like the Illuminati if you believe the whole unity of mankind being the “light” and some kind of Rosicrucian thought process. I don’t.

Another Whedon idea was astronauts versus cavemen towards the end of Angel. Who wins? In the story, when things are looking positive and optimistic, it’s the astronauts of course. But when things look hopeless, it’s the cavemen.

In that scenario, it works. In another scenario, it means something else. What if the ‘advanced’ people are enslaving the ‘rabble’? Well, I know the answer to that. Eventually the cavemen win. Why? Two reasons: ‘Dinner’ versus survival, if you’re familiar with the fox and the rabbit. The other, because human beings are really, really good at warfare. It’s in our genes. The further you go back, the more in touch with that part of ourselves you are. Homo sapien wipes out Neanderthal even though the latter had a bigger brain. More vicious. More streamlined for that purpose. The warlike inherited the Earth, folks.

But of course we will eventually lose it as well, for much the same reason. Situation changes, we haven’t yet adapted. That’s what this is about. Sharpening the beak on that diamond mountain plus time equals no more mountain. The meek inherit it ultimately, if only through evolution.

But I’m talking out of my ass here. I just want closure and a normal life. To be able to move on. I wish I could believe any one of the many, many {you’ve no idea} lies they’ve presented even if it isn’t what I want. Because I can’t. I’ve tried many times and it just keeps coming back like a sequel to take-your-pick haunted place movie franchise.

So I really have no choice but to chase my own tail–not impossible but not proven, so–and write this stuff hoping this time will be different. That this time, the diamond wall shatters and the light shines and the clockwork ghost dies once and for all.

Except of course we also tend to repeat history–as we are now, I’m after all talking about surreptitious and/or plausibly deniable slavery here–and learn nada from it. But a breather or a break would be good in any case.

Paranoia means we’re on a seesaw constantly going back and forth. Could it be true? Could it be another joke at my–or someone else’s–expense? Data is the only way to know for certain.

In short, I prefer face-to-face, open, honest discussion to all this sneakin’ around. It just leads to more misunderstandings.

I expect it, meaning the event, when it happens, to be more like that. Direct. Obvious. True. Mostly unambiguous.

And not more of this preposterous reading of tea leaves. Which is just another way of saying asking your unconscious if it knows the answer. If I did, I’d be at his doorstep, yeah? See, it’s not just Christianity and atheism they’re mocking and mucking about with either. {But there is no Illuminati, so, tag, you’re it, Shithole. Well you and and whomever it is that you really, really pissed off}.

In my opinion, this way lay madness. However, it’s not like absolutely everything I did, even when it was wrong, misguided, or fruitless, didn’t provide something else. The MacGuffin stuff probably not only reveals character, but makes character. Makes you examine what you’ve done, and how to be a better person. Plus, the stories.

And yet, if you happen to see the people torturing me…I really do not need to handle it myself. Feel free.


So, in no particular order because the CD–discovered hidden in my rental car in early 2010–disappeared. I probably did something dumb with it and forgot. Which of course doesn’t quite mean what that seems to mean. It means I was distracted and set it down without realizing I was being brainhacked.


“Dismember,” “All The Negatives Have Been,” “Lines In The Suit,” “Plastic Mylar,” “Change My Life,” “Something To Look Forward To,” “Stay Don’t Go,” “Jonathan Fisk,” “Don’t Let It Get You Down,” “All The Pretty Girls Go to the City,” “You Gotta Feel It,” “Everything Hits At Once,” “Anything You Want,” “Chicago At Night,” “The Beast And Dragon, Adored,” “The Two Sides Of Monsieur Valentine,” “I Turn My Camera On,” “The Delicate Place,” “Sister Jack,” “I Summon You,” “The Infinite Pet,” “Merchants Of Soul,” “Don’t Make Me A Target,” “The Ghost Of You Lingers,” “You Got Yr. Cherry Bomb,” “Don’t You Evah,” “Rhythm And Soul,” “Eddie’s Raga,” “The Underdog,” “My Little Japanese Cigarette Case,” “Finer Feelings,” “Black Like Me”

And T-Spoon:

“I Wanna Have Sex On The Beach.”

Some did have some metadata, but nothing that seemed to be a cypher or phone number.

The point of including the list is not to go looking for hidden messages in the lyrics. Universality in art is why many of us can relate to it. And then there’s the “magic card trick” I keep mentioning where the perceived order of things is altered so that it seems impossible or that the magician somehow time travelled in order to know the value of a card “before” it was chosen. No, he reversed the order of the cards so he had already chosen it.

In this case, for example, I’d already started “that drive alone/800 miles is a drive” well before I even knew the CD was in the car. A very odd PSYOP, wasn’t it? Sticks out badly because most everything else was about dying, suicide, mutilation, or increasing frustration and rage in order to make another person go ‘pop’ and postal.

See what I mean? And it’s about more than that. Like 3-D chess. Like a giant brain came up with it. Imagine there were several involved and that this really is not as original a tale as I think it is. And I don’t mean the Bible. There’s plenty from outside it as well.

Anywho, the point is to see if anyone else, who will probably ignore this–don’t blame them one iota if they do–finds anything in there that stands out. My end, NYC and I think even Minneapolis, only song that stood out, as I joked/ranted once in an email, was “Aqualung” by Jethro Tull.

As for why, let’s assume for the sake of argument that I am not capable of reverse engineering what Derren Brown did here and that it was just random. Let’s assume it just sparked a memory and that I’m just desperate for that closure.

“Or…we can just talk some more.”

Mea culpa. Possibly.

BBD – What a Tedious Little Agency

So, let’s end this one quickly. It’s another pretty, poetic thing. I’m starting to think CiA’s entire planning division consists of Millenials googling ideas all day based on what targets tweet and post. It is tedious.

Here’s the pretty part. The reason whatshisagency hasn’t shown up is due to his personal history. He lost everyone dear to him {this isn’t sounding contrived at all, is it? Yes, that’s sarcasm–from Batman to Bond, it’s the trope of tropes} and it is actually the fact that he does indeed love me deeply {or more believably, in those moments when he realizes that is so} knows we cannot be together or I, too, will die.

Now as I’ve said before, this was part of what made me concerned for him from the outset. And I didn’t even realize I loved him at that point. Thought maybe a crush at best that I had no intention of ever telling anyone about. But realizing that he may not have known about the harassment and thinking it best to protect an innocent bystander from that, I initially ignored it until I couldn’t any longer.

So, by throwing out the reversal, they think I can at least identify with excuse number 5,953. That’s all it is, even if it’s partly true: An excuse.

I don’t care because I think it likely we’d survive meeting again…got this far…I mean, c’mon. They make a pretty lie that means that they don’t have to change a damn thing. Don’t have to do a damn thing except continue the same old shit.

It’s total, or at least partial, bullshit. Why? Because he could just as easily come and explain all that in person. Easily.

Don’t know his history. Real-world ‘Brian’ from Infectis, it’s true, lost his wife and kid to a drunk driver. Sounds like a trope, a contrivance, doesn’t it? But it is true. Destroyed his life. One supposes there’s a reason Fleming started with Casino Royale and Vesper Lynd. It’s the broken who make the best blunt instruments.

So while there’s some possible truth to it, that’s not the whole story. Surely, in order for other people who were lost to him to have been important, he had to have had some time with them. That is, they didn’t die the second he met them, right?

And, again, at any moment any of us could lose someone important to us. The response to that should be to love them more, not to “hide your love away.”

(I mean, dude…made it this far. Have some faith.)