Viva Las Vegas

Got a whole lot of money that’s ready to burn

Note: Right. So I have some reservations about this whole thing, and also therefore some reservations about posting it at all. But let us just say that I must do so anyway. This post is also longer than I like. And it’s very rushed and therefore likely contains errors. And, of course, I was interrupted definitely somewhere in the double digit, if not triple, times. Hard to say.


I ran across a supposed anonymous post, really just a screen cap of it, by a supposed member of the LVMPD. This person is claiming that what actually happened during the deadliest mass shooting in American history was that FBI was running a Fast and Furious {the DEA operation, not the movie series} operation using Steven Paddock as the arms salesman to ISIS, and that it went awry, ISIS representatives killed Paddock and started shooting. In essence, anyway. Here’s the supposed post:

Note that this was in response to someone else’s explanation of what happened, and that that was in response to FBI’s report that Paddock acted alone and wanted simply to die famously.

A few things to note: This is in part based on Paddock sending himself emails. Sort of. He had, it appears, put draft emails to himself under at least two different email accounts. This, by the way, was supposedly what Al Qaeda had done to communicate with itself: Not actually send the email, just have multiple groups with access to the same account and password. You could draft your message and get a reply in the same draft.

Was this potentially how he communicated with ISIS?

Also, the FBI says Paddock told his girlfriend that he had some medical issue. This could be true. Or it could be exactly what you tell your significant other when they notice some irregularities in your schedule and behavior and FBI or CIA has told you that you cannot tell them that you are working as a confidential informant for them.

Then there’s the fact that he sent her away in the first place. Unfortunately, that’s likely what you might do if you expected a big bust and a crazy terrorist organization might come looking for payback soon after and a media that would want to interview your girlfriend as well.

These points are important later. Would also mention that FBI was, compared to several other mass shootings, much more tightlipped on this one. There was, and likely still is even with some new details, something missing here.


If you think you already have a good handle on that, you can skip this section. It’s long and basic, or should be.

Now, let us pause and discuss a few things about operations and agencies, and misconceptions. Not that I have the clearest view never having been on the inside, but I do try to understand it as best I can based on what little the public gets about how things work and how that is jarringly different from what is depicted in film and TV.

Would also note that I once read an article by a young reporter that referred to FBI and CIA collectively as “law enforcement agencies.” Completely wrong about CIA of course; it is actually a law breaking agency. That’s what it does and what it is supposed to do: Getting people in foreign governments to supply them with secrets is the classic idea. This has of course spread to people in other places in the private sector. We’re talking the intelligence gathering side of CIA. The other side deals in covert operations designed to create particular outcomes, such as overthrowing governments.

{Perhaps something notable is how we know an incredible amount more about how NSA actually operates and its tools. But this is not the point of the post.}

FBI also has two “sides.” To put it simply, it has a side that is intended to pursue federal criminal cases to court and another that is designed to find and interrupt the actions of foreign intelligence services and terrorist organizations.

What theses agencies actually do is a bit different. FBI for example, it has been widely reported and discussed, frequently uses informants posing as terrorists or malcontents to talk others into agreeing to perform terror attacks. As some judges have even noted, there likely would never have been a terror plot if it hadn’t been for the paid {in the thousands of dollars} informant’s actions in the first place. One notes however that FBI almost always supplies the targets with phony bomb parts or at least arrests them when materials are provided.

What is also notable is the CIA–noting here that it has offices in several major US cities–is not supposed to operate on US soil. When it needs something, it is supposed to go through FBI to get it. Sometimes they ask a friendly foreign intelligence service, such as MI6 to spy on Americans for them, but this is not the only workaround.

Of course the rule itself is broken time and time again. CIA employs a lot of lawyers. One gets the impression that their main job is to make Swiss cheese out of the law in order to justify anything they want to do. They also have organizations that don’t even necessarily know they are funded by CIA. They also have individuals who don’t know they actually serve it, though some clearly do.

And we occasionally see FBI operating overseas, though usually related to something domestic.

The point though is we frequently think of these agencies as stopping terrorism first because it’s what we want to think and is what we see on TV. Besides the deviation above where FBI informants have cajoled and entrapped people {probably}, people have to understand that things don’t work that way. There is rarely a ticking timebomb scenario as we think of it though that has long made for good entertainment.

Though you do occasionally see it in movies, sometimes as part of the struggle of the main character, being a field agent spy actually means that you do not simply get to decide to stop a terror attack, or any other act of violence, when it is not part of your orders, not part of whatever assignment or operation you are working on. If you see someone torturing a child or biting the head off of puppies, you are not to do anything much less call the police or step in. You are to leave your empathy at the door.

Stop and think about that mindset and ask yourself if that squares with the “superhero” Hollywood mentality we have applied to these two agencies and the spy profession as a whole. Of course, underneath this is the idea–again, this is because we have to hope what is done in secret, darkness, and compartmented is done in our best interests because of secrecy–that it’s somehow necessary to lose some battles in order to win the war.

In other words, they are going to let people die sometimes.


It was an operation in which DEA sold weapons to drug cartels in order to see what route the weapons took and where they wound up. They wound up being involved in shootings on US soil and is at least cosmetically why Congress is so down on DEA. Really it’s because some of its members profit from the illegal drug trade, but this is also not the point of the post.


Right. So one problem is when the rules don’t apply anyway, is knowing who, if anyone, was attempting to sell arms to ISIS on US soil. Was it, as the anonymous poster suggests, FBI? Or is FBI covering for CIA? Practically impossible to know for certain. And as I’ve mentioned time and time again, back during the earlier portions of the Cold War, there were people like George Hunter White who bounced back and forth between CIA and FBI counterintelligence and even a DEA predecessor. It would make some sense if that this is still sometimes the case.

Regarding next portion, perhaps this is the part that really matters–not whether or not this actually is what happened, but rather that this very well could have happened and therefore almost certainly will happen. And how the public seems oblivious to that.

If the operation was to trace weapons, to better understand ISIS’ financing, and how they move money, people, and physical assets, then they almost certainly would not stop an attack. It’s very difficult to grasp this as a private citizen who thinks that their own safety should trump other concerns, but it is how it actually works.

That this would be a departure from previous ops where FBI did not provide real bomb parts, it becomes difficult to understand what changed. Why sell ISIS the real thing?

Probably first because they would know the difference. Who would they send to buy them? Someone who knows their stuff if possible. Whereas with the previously referenced alleged bombmaking plots, where FBI provides everything except responsibility, the targets are typically ignorant of anything related to actual terror and weapons, these ISIS buyers would probably know their product. They’d know if they were given fakes.

However, there are a number of other problems. Why choose the high floor during a packed concert? Certainly, the number of people would make it more difficult to notice the buyers. Maybe they would only feel comfortable in such a situation, they told Paddock. Note that he had previously been booked at another similar location in Chicago. Maybe ISIS got cold feet and changed it for some reason. Certainly one would expect a lot more federal embedding in Chicago police department than Vegas’.

See? Works either way. Said he was sick. Losing his mind or an excuse to hide his real work from his girlfriend? Father was a bank robber. Not someone FBI would work with or just got him on FBI’s RADAR as someone to watch? Emailed himself. Talking to himself or there’s a precedent for that from 9/11. High building and repetition of Chicago booking. Mad shooter plotting his event or the preference of the buyers? Certainly the latter in several of these cases seem more probable, especially the bank robber one. Remember again, we’re talking counter-terror here, not law enforcement.

Of course once you go with coverup, you face the problem of not knowing what details to believe at all. This is always the problem with lying, secrecy, coverups and too much power. But let’s assume some of this is accurate for the moment.

It would explain why FBI was so tightlipped. It would explain why there wasn’t a letter or manifesto from Paddock. It would explain how he managed to get that arsenal where he got it. And it would explain why someone would want to shoot all those people.


Truth is, I still don’t know. And I’d rather not be posting this because I don’t know. I’m not comfortable with this scenario on several levels. For one, even though it’s unthinkable to the average American that they wouldn’t stop such a massacre under these circumstances, it means to me that they were actually doing their job as described: You don’t defy orders. Orders were to trace the weapons. Kind of a shorter route and report than you expected. But that was the job.

I prefer noting when they aren’t doing their jobs, you see. Or when they think they’re doing their jobs but they are really doing the opposite.

I would much prefer to go where my main thrust has been: CIA, on behalf of the so-wealthy-they-don’t-need-more-money has time and again intentionally arranged terror acts in order to do everything from increasing profits for contractors to preventing a reversal of the Reagan tax cuts. This is who they have always served, and as I’ve said before it is all predicated on trickle down economics; the assurance that if they kiss the asses of billionaires and multinational corporations hard enough, they will share their money with the rest of us.

And how that meant occasionally messing with peoples’ heads and walking them into performing terror acts, similar to the FBI sting operations but where they don’t supply fakes and don’t actually stop them from pulling the trigger.

That’s where I prefer things to be because I know it’s what they have done and tried to do to me. I would prefer that.

But that is not where things are pointing in this case. It appears that either Paddock was a lone shooter or it is as this potential LVMPD person is stating. The problem there, there’s obviously some people who would love to drag FBI into its own Fast and Furious Congressional investigation, or more likely–note how screwed the public at large is given this–to trade this information for letting Russiagate eventually peter out, not be taken to its often-stated conclusion.

And then there are those who would want to exaggerate a threat from ISIS, to again focus us solely on foreign problems and to continue to ignore domestic ones, to use that to beat up on actual left politicians like AOC, to manipulate the millennials who, we really need to watch for this, scare the hell out of the 0.1%.

So this is not what I wanted to post. It just that I’ve no valid choice. You figure it out.


BBD – No Backbone {Updated}

Note: 28 December 2018 update at bottom of post.

This was one I really did not want to blog. In fact, I can’t find the blog post anyway to link it up for you. It was too crazy, and part of surviving this COINTELPRO / MHCHAOS bullshit is hanging on to whatever passes for sanity, self-respect and rehabilitating your reputation as a reliable witness to illegal activities while a very large, well-funded machine sees to it you cannot.

This time it really sucks because what I recall noting is that I had no idea how it was done. Now I do.

This probably requires some brief preamble. See, when you’re in the throes of active, frequent harassment from the shitty agencies who are not only destroying the middle class but also ensuring global fascism, you often only have short windows of opportunity to write coherently. If you aren’t interrupted over and over again, you’re distracted. If you aren’t distracted, you’ve lost your whole train of thought. You’re probably drugged with LSD and meth and who knows what else they are slipping you.

It is as though they have sentenced you to Bedlam, even though no other person can see or hear it…just you…making your reputation something of the past. As I’ve said before, drop a brick on your foot and try to do calculus. That’s what it’s like.

This process is sometimes referred to as the Martha Mitchell Effect, by the way. It’s depicted as a subplot in The Bourne Identity and is happening right now in France while a former Hewlett-Packard employee who complained of the exact same problems as the American and Canadian Cuban embassy folks, became an activist regarding nonlethal energy weapons, and now finds himself force-medicated and imprisoned for a car accident that he says never happened. He even said the police were mystified as to why there was no bumper damage at all considering the other woman claims he hit her. They arrested him anyway.

Ramola D, “Flagrant Miscarriage of Justice in Grenoble Court…,” EveryDayConcerned, 11 December 2018:

Flagrant Miscarriage of Justice in Grenoble’s Criminal Court as Judge Dismisses Facts, Upholds Wrongful Arrest and Fraudulent Psychiatry, and Shows Dangerous Bias in Criminal Entrapment & Extortion Case Against Human Rights Activist Frederic Laroche Whistleblowing on Non-Consensual Neuro-Experimentation

But I’m off topic.

While living in Michigan, probably 2012 or 2013 or so, I was home alone. After coming downstairs, walking from the stairs to the kitchen, my back suddenly gave out.

It wasn’t painful. It was like my muscles in my lower back had simply stopped working. I had time to lower myself to the floor while grabbing onto a table or a wall or something.

I laid there, looking up at the ceiling for really no more than 30 seconds. It felt as though I could get back up almost as soon as I laid down. But I did a quick inventory to try to figure out what it was. Did I feel dizzy? Not at all. Had there been muscle spasms or a misstep causing a loss of balance? No.

Reflecting back to the inability to, during the periods of extreme harassment, concentrate for long periods, despite having been aware of this document…

…for years, I guess I only read the whole thing yesterday. Well, skimmed it. Probably something else important I missed as well.

But see this section:

Incapacitating Effect: Disruption of Neural Control

The nature of the incapacitation is a rhythmic-activity synchronization of brain neurons that disrupt normal cortical control of the corticospinal and corticobulbar pathways; this disrupts normal cortical control of the spinal motor neurons which control muscle contraction and body movements. Persons suffering from this condition lose voluntary control of their body. This synchronization may be accompanied by a sudden loss of consciousness and intense muscle spasms.

I had neither of those in the last sentence. I’ve certainly had intense muscle spasms, sometimes while blogging. I know, quite a strenuous activity.

But more seriously, that is a very, very common complaint from harassed individuals. I had usually chalked it up to stress and being distracted from drinking more water, liquids and therefore being dehydrated. But sometimes you gotta wonder.

Anyway, I got up and people returned from the store or wherever they had gone. Note that elsewhere in the document they state the range as being up to hundreds of meters for most of the effects discussed.

While I would not entirely dispute the experimentation theory here, that is government uses people who somehow they think pose a threat as guinea pigs, I would also mention again that CIA and DOD are known for switching around what they claim to be doing for bizarre, twisted and cruel legal purposes. That is, for example, force feeding food in detainees anuses because they refused to eat. There is no medical evidence that I’m aware of that this is beneficial; yet CIA claimed this torture was a medical procedure. Similarly, Defense Department sleep deprived Manning, waking at the time him up every five minutes, and called it suicide watch.

In essence, I’m having a hard time believing that something from a 1998 document declassified in 2006 really needed further testing in 2013. They were just being confusing and petty. In other words, typical.

28-Dec-2018 UPDATE: Occurred to me that I missed, and really have been missing for some time, an entire possibility both with this experience and many other instances that include experiences of other people: The “test drive.” That is, the government and the manufacturer are doing live testing for sales purposes, not research. They are showing off their non-lethal {though clearly this one is more for plausibly deniable assassination} weapons using anyone on the shitlist so that foreign intelligence services and corporate security divisions–the main potential buyers of such weapons–can have a live demonstration and they can mutter the same kinds of sales pitches that the MIC in Israel does when they use Palestine as their own private laboratory:

Rania Khalek, “Battle-tested, combat-approved. In other words, ‘This weapon has been used to terrorize #Palestinians’,” In the Now, 28 December 2018:

Too-long-didn’t-watch summary: Post-9/11 Israeli arms sales rose from $2B to $9B. Testing the weapons on Palestinians gives them a competitive edge.


Missing Data, Logical Fallacies, And Psych Coverups

The document I link below is a great example of either well-meaning, and yet not entirely correct, analysis; or a downright misleading response. In and of itself, it might seem innocuous. If you look a bit closer, you might see a problem with regards to the diagnosis of what is and what is not “delusional.” After all, what better way to hide criminality than to say the person reporting it is delusional? *

The authors mention MKULTRA being invoked, but fail to mention the MKULTRA included several subprojects studying various mental disorders and that there hasn’t really been any suggestion as to why apart from the obvious reasons I detail below, ie, to mimic mental illness in order to harass, discredit, and ultimately character “assassinate” a target.

Similarly, they invoke similarities between 17th century “mind control” but fail to note the the Central Intelligence Agency is just as capable of reading history as the researchers are. This is again one of those situations where the perceived order of events is jumbled to create one picture when another is possible {see, from the Snowden docs, Gambits for Deception, “Time-shift Perceived Behaviour”}. That is, they point to similarities between pre-CIA mental disorders suggesting the phenomenon is connected to the former but fail to acknowledge CIA is aware of this and capable of using it to hide their involvement.

They also fail to mention one of the main stated goals was to mimic other ailments including the symptoms of them. So why not mimic demonic possession while you’re at it? And one should note that LSD sprang from the supposed origin behind werewolf legends: Ergot.

It’s all right there in the CIA memo included in the Senate report on MKULTRA, see items 1 and 5:

1. Substances which will promote illogical thinking and impulsiveness to the point where the recipient would be discredited in public.

2. Substances which increase the efficiency of mentation and perception.

3. Materials which will prevent or counteract the intoxicating effect of alcohol.

4. Materials which will promote the intoxicating effect of alcohol.

5. Materials which will produce the signs and symptoms of recognized diseases in a reversible way so that they may be used for malingering, etc.

You don’t even have to delve into the American Psychology Association’s strong connections to both MKULTRA and the post-9/11 torture scandal. But I’ll mention it anyway.

But the interesting part of the paper is how they are suggesting that simply because a culture or subculture believes a certain thing does not mean–as it has been historically!–that the belief should not be considered “delusional.” In other words, authority, perhaps corporate mainstream news, should decide what is and what is not delusional without regards to who otherwise does and does not believe it.

It is of course in the current climate difficult to defend many, but not all, non-mainstream beliefs. The phrase “fake news” invokes all sorts of interesting responses for example.

Then there’s been concerted attempts at, for example, painting Bernie Sanders and Jill Stein supporters as either Russian PSYOP dupes or sympathizers, mentally ill, or some combination of the above.

Now read the footnote. ;}

* Turns out that practice may actually have a long–read: over a century–history of being practiced in rich families where some unscrupulous family members didn’t like what was written in the will. We can all imagine their lawyers challenging the sanity of the dying patron or matron, but the “ghostlighting” portion employed to use it may have lead to the strict-ish adherence of judges sticking to the “sound mind at the time the will was signed” decision.

Seems there was a lot of people seemingly “going crazy” after signing wills that became disputed even late 19th century. Haven’t explored/researched this enough to speak to specifics yet, but thought it interesting to note what should be unsurprising: There’s a point where greed and subterfuge meet in the real world and all the fluff, pop culture and big corporate news crap cannot hide that fact.

Maybe this time “the will” is the Constitution.

BBD – Operational

Come a little bit closer…

Come a little bit closer…

Ran across the article below the other day. And, in typical fashion, it took me five days to connect the dots. See, despite everything I’ve seen and experienced, I still react initially much the way everyone else does: “Just one of those things.”

1988 – 1990

This is not just one of those things. This is another puzzle piece regarding what’s really going on and why they used us as guinea pigs at the NJSF back in the late 1980s. As I’ve noted several times and places, I was there in 1989 and 1990. The previous year, one actress had kind of gone crazy and spent a lot of time, money, energy attempting to figure out what was wrong. Both years I was there another actress each year likewise had problems.


Gene Maddaus, “Former ‘ER’ Actress Vanessa Marquez Shot and Killed by Police,” Variety, 31 August 2018:

Last October, Marquez alleged that she was blacklisted from “ER” by co-star George Clooney after complaining of racial discrimination and sexual harassment.

“Clooney helped blacklist me when I spoke up abt harassment on ER.’women who dont play the game lose career’I did,” she wrote on Twitter.

Clooney issued a statement at the time saying he had nothing to do with casting on the show.

“I had no idea Vanessa was blacklisted,” he said. “I take her at her word. I was not a writer or a producer or a director on that show. I had nothing to do with casting. I was an actor and only an actor. If she was told I was involved in any decision about her career then she was lied to. The fact that I couldn’t affect her career is only surpassed by the fact that I wouldn’t.”

It’s really not difficult, even when you’ve been through what someone like me has, to see that someone who tried to help impoverished Africans at a time when the likes of CIA and Booz Allen Hamilton were ass-deep in stirring up trouble all over the continent for future military misadventures would be a target of smear campaigns run by the likes of CIA, FBI counter-intelligence, and/or the black bag departments of both major political parties {yes, I said both despite his support of Obama and Clinton}.

Anyway, there it is. Who do you contact when there’s a standing agreement between CIA and DoJ to not prosecute? When both major political parties run black ops on each other and the public with such regularity that it’s become normal? When FBI believes it is its job to “protect” America from free thought and anti war protest? * And that all those lines, plus private contractors acting as intelligence agencies for anyone who can pay them, are blurred.

* When it comes to the latter, FBI once had an internal handout flier lumping unions and environmental activist groups and Nazi and white supremacy groups together as similar threats. I don’t think that mentality has changed at all over there, unless it’s that the Nazis are okay.

Two Open Letters


You know I tried really hard to find some dirt on Robert Mueller. Best I could come up with, apart from heading up FBI all those years and what went on then, was his assertion that Iraq/Saddam Hussein had WMDs. But, hey, all the cool kids were doing it. And history has shown it was a slam dunk.

Wilmer Hale. While it’s not perfect, who or what is?, that is at least trying. They do defense for corporations and then pro bono for the poor. That’s something. I’ll take something.

But when you abide by the agreement…not with the Devil. Just a pile of poop in the shape of the devil…or a blind, thrashing dinosaur…you undo what you proclaim to do.

I get it. I really, really do. I’m not talking about me, though I think it’s pretty easy to see what could or should have happened and yet did not. I’m referring to the general so-called Targeted Individual community. I’m referring to Black Lives Matter. I’m referring to a clear-as-can-be conflict of interest in the Jeremy Hammond sentencing hearing. And more that doesn’t require mentioning. Deep down, you know.

The agreement. The agreement states that the Department of Justice will not prosecute the Central Intelligence Agency for crimes committed, even on US soil, against US citizens, as long as doing so could reasonably harm national security by exposing sources and methods employed the CIA.

Note that this included, in the 1960s and 1970s, the rape and abuse of under-aged girls in the Nevada desert. Americans. Dr. Luther Wilson Greene oversaw the series of programs that were done there. He ensured the continuance of the programs he oversaw by training the young girls to seduce visiting oversight officials and he and his team recorded those events to blackmail them into silence and the continuation of funding.

Not a conspiracy theory. It’s a fact. It was explored by Congress in the 1990s. It is part of the public record.

But I get it. Your bosses and your bosses’ bosses don’t actually want you to examine what’s going on. They want you to continue to disrupt and discredit Americans organizing to affect political changes. And it’s no skin off your nose if some “crazy” people suffer for no other reason than…well, you’ll have to read my note to CIA below. Nobody believes them. No one cares. It’s an easy calculation to make. Try to fight it, and you wind up like Terry James Albury.

But where’s the balance, then? Occasionally you do catch some bar people. I mean, cruel, callous, murderous, and/or exploitative of children.

But don’t kid yourselves that merely exposing CIA domestic {much less foreign} malfeasance is punishment enough. It’s not punishment at all if it continues. And it is definitely continuing. Post-9/11? You’re deeply and egregiously lying to yourself if you think otherwise.


First, let me explain why I refer to you as, among other variations, a shithole. It’s because I believe, really always, really in every place I look, I’ve only ever seen your ass. That’s the clearest message, apart from the rest below, that you’ve ever succeeded in sending me. Probably not your intention…unless it’s that you really, really want me to kiss it…more likely deep down kick it. But that’s what your pattern is communicating.

Why is that?

Let’s start with how you lie to yourself. You tell yourself, for example, that you’re studying for a future “mind control” war with China. Or, really, why not? A current mind control war with China. I saw the article. Don’t need to link it. Merely note that this is what you are telling yourself. This is your excuse for everything: Patriotism.

It’s the Big Lie, dear. How can you possibly believe that raping and abusing underage girls in the desert somehow makes them safe? How can you believe they should be proud of their sacrifice to Uncle Sam, when the real point was just funding for programs that probably yielded very little, or even if they didn’t, were unnecessarily cruel to yield what little they did?

Now. I’m going to try one more time even though I’m tired of repeating myself. I’m going to explain how it was I beat you. Because I did best you. I did.

I had an unfair advantage. And just because I’m again borrowing someone else’s words, in this case Thomas Harris I think, doesn’t make it any less true in this context. Doesn’t make it fiction.

“You were insane.”

You aren’t the Devil, though you sometimes like to think you’re both God and the Devil. You aren’t even really Hannibal Lechter.

You’re just very, very sick. You are. I’ve passed many, many of your, and those of other’s, Rorschach tests. You, like Lechter, are incapable of turning your keen eye on yourself and taking stock of what’s there.

That in itself is understandable. No system can truly know itself. I’m convinced now that deep down, that’s why you are running {though there may be other ‘franchises’} surreptitious harassment in the first place. You aren’t so much seeking God—though I’ll get to that in a moment—as you are trying to understand yourself.

So, I’m telling you. You do more harm than good. You might spend three days in a ratfilled basement just to hide from some FIS in order to find out what some head of state’s favorite brand of hummus is, only to have him change his favorite the next week or month or year. You’re constantly running around chasing your own tail and you can’t see what you’re doing. Not to the world, not to your country, not to yourself.

Right. God. Even Erik Prince, Mr. Holy War, Mr. Kill-‘Em-God’s-Already-Told-Me-the-Sorting knows that “the Devil,” whatever that really means in this context, doesn’t just attack the bad people. He’s especially fond of corrupting the good people. Erik knows that much. Maybe you could learn something from him instead of, for example, making me harass him or some movie star for your perverse amusement.

That is sick, honey. Maybe it’s time to take a break and, again, let DIA or somebody do an internal review.

Because really, who won? It was the guy who bought kitty litter FFS. I’m sure you think somewhere in your malfunctioning brain that you’re taking care of him as well. Well, I’ve seen…as I noted in that one short story…I’ve seen what you consider taking care of someone. The man who was talking to his own fist. Really? What could he possibly know today that is still a threat? What could he possibly do if you just stop whatever you’re doing or undo what you did? Not a damn thing.

You’re paranoid. You’re afraid. You might be schizophrenic. You are brilliant, I’m not calling you stupid in any conventional way…just your own little shitty one.

I know that makes you mad. But you know why? Because it’s true, darling. And the truth hurts. That’s why it’s described as a sword.

And the pen is only as mighty as the truth it wields. Sometimes. Maybe just in the end.

I don’t have a capper. I’m just done as I can be. You can continue, and I’ll respond as I feel or think I need or want to. But I’m already done. Because I’ve already won.

And I’d like to say it was really, really hard. Life definitely was. Loss and problems, really hard.

But beating you was really, in its own stupid little way…real easy. I just had to let go, I guess. Or some other allegory I can’t verbalize.



BBD – I Love a Good Narrative

Or, “…a Pretty Lie,” which is really what that means. Or, “Wild Goose Chase no. 578.”

And yet it makes sense. Sort of.

Except there are some plot holes.

Let me ‘splain. What I think is probably true, somehow, as ri-goddam-diculous as it sounds: Neither of our premiere manhunter agencies have any idea where or whom whatshisname is. That in itself is worth a lot of laughter. If they did, they’d have tried something by now. Something nasty and disturbing because that is all that those two piles o’ poop are capable of.

But in order to play a little “which will he do?” game designed to add stress in the Hopes that I’ll finally crack*, one–or more likely both working together–presented a neat little narrative. Since I know there’s no way in hell they’d ever tell me if they knew, I can safely deduce that the narrative is false. And we can at the same time waste some more tax dollars as those parts of FBi that aren’t read in go frantically check it out.

“The White Rose.” First this was a pacifist group that was murdered by the Nazis in the run up to WWII.

We can recall what was probably the best episode of ST:TOS: “City on the Edge of Forever.” Lots of interesting stories about that one. Including the author being locked in an office for a weekend to finish it and getting so hungry and/or spiteful about the situation that he ate the secretary’s potted plant. Of course this was because he had written in more extras than the studio could afford.

Next. “A kook in a grocery store.” Getting it yet? Kwazy pacifist is so smart, so good at it, that he gets locked up in a mental institution a la the Martha Mitchell effect. {Look it up}.

This could also explain a possible reason I haven’t heard nor seen hide nor hair from him since early 2010.

Such a good lie, no?

The remaining question then would be, where? Which asylum is he in? {See the final chapters of Infernis for a kind of parallel version of being locked away permanently; and note my, and others such as Barry Eisler, noting how some of what we write winds up happening later, or already happened and we didn’t know about it. This is called Setting Up Expectations and is on the same Gambits for Deception graphic as The Big Move Hides the Small Move}.

So where? There was a brief DoD program under the Obama administration regarding mental health and soldiers. It was based–guess where?–Hawaii. It’s enough to make you think you might actually like sex on the beach {the song on the Spoon CD that wasn’t actually by Spoon} despite the horrible conditions down there where there’s about as much trash as there is sand. Not to mention the–not shitting here–group of people who now live on the beach. Right out of part two of the Rifters trilogy.

How many months and dollars could I waste investigating each and every one of those beaches? All the asylums in Hawaii after the one in question turns out to not house “him”?

It’s patently absurd. And yet there’s that small part of you that recalls:

The Comedian? Crying?

Hm. Funny story. Sounds unbelievable. Probably true.

So let’s let the “flatfoots” go have a look. I’ll be right here, TYVM4nada.

* What they don’t seem to understand: I don’t break because I’m “Unbreakable.” I don’t break because I’m already broken.

BBD – Not Blogging It

Instead I’m doing the text versions of a montage followed by an impressionist {or some other movement} painting to describe yesterday’s “chance meetings”/diversion. I will start with relevant quotes that I find hilarious and throw together some memes.

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