BBD – A Spookwork Orange

…because nothing rhymes with orange.

And worth repeating:

“That stained glass curtain that you’re hiding behind never let’s in the Sun.”

This is going to be another mash-up. I will provide some insight into the psychology of the covert field agent based on my experience as a target and explain how this is bad for America. In the same post here, I will also add some new information with regards to Wicked Game, in this case what I have in Chapter 13 regarding my work as a real estate consultant in New York City.

In early 2010, Brooklyn had to my eye turned into a spook free-for-all. While it is impossible to be 100% accurate as to what/who was, and wasn’t, there were a few that I think were very apparent. As I noted there, there was a man whom I nicknamed ‘Balding’ who I saw on a few occasions, all but once in Brooklyn, the exception being the doctor’s appointment where my then-partner wanted to get me on some anti-psychotic drug or similar. ‘Balding’ seemed to me to be the boss or supervisor of a few others, primarily Anthony and his roommate who rented the condo above the one my partner owned. Anthony and the other guy made a lot of noise. There was the time I saw them moving in and they broke the door that served as the primary means of egress in case of fire–apart from jumping from the balcony or getting stuck in the parking garage–for our half of the building. The condo board was oddly in no hurry to fix this and became angry with me for requesting the they do so after days of the door being inoperable. This was all in a time of fire in a borough that was reeling from several arsons–including the one that claimed the home of my friend Kate Conway and her father.

Aside from Anthony and ‘Balding’ there quite a few others. A few doppelgangers which I’ve noted elsewhere, most of whom were not very exact in their resemblance with one exception, a younger double for Larry Johnson sitting in a car one evening wearing sunglasses.

But the real pains-in-the-ass were, for some reason, mostly young women. I’m going to take a guess that they over-did things in order to seek approval of the man’s world in which they found themselves working. They were really extremely impolite and overzealous in their harassment, and as I’ve noted a few posts below, almost certainly aware that I had been drugged and therefore even more frazzled at what a person under normal circumstances would consider one odd event if they had witnessed only that one.

The most blatant was a woman–not young, don’t know what her excuse was–mocking me, what I was saying on the phone to my ex-partner, while I was on the Stone Arch Bridge in Minneapolis. She did it repeatedly and loudly. I finally said, “Ain’t that the f—ing truth?!?” loudly. She jumped, shut up, and fully failed to make eye contact with me.

This was when I realized that spooks are at heart cowards. They hate the light being shined on their dirty deeds and the methods they use to achieve them. Since they are as a whole in the service of multinational corporations, banks, and oligarchs and have declared war on the rest of us, it is imperative that both occur. Really, it is a matter of survival.

But any rational person undergoing the psychological harassment that I endured in New York and in Minneapolis after moving there would call it torture, torture-lite at best. The legal definition, you see, requires captivity. In this case, there was only the captivity that being drugged surreptitiously out of your mind, psychological herding, covert ops designed to get you fired and ruin your relationships provides. So while not technically torture in the legal sense, it is torture in the layman definition sense. It has the same purpose: To get the target to do something they would not normally do.

What is the motivation for the field agent overall, though? What are they thinking when they do this, not to members of Al Qaeda, but to their own fellow citizens?

Once again I present a Derren Brown experiment. Absolutely no hypnotism involved, merely human psychology. I suggest beginning at the 07:30 mark:

Derren Brown The Experiments – Remote Control. Link removed.

New link {2019 April 26}.

Anonymity and group-think or mob-mentality lead to some seriously cruel results. Spooks enjoy anonymity, comes with the territory. They also have the implicit approval of their superiors to increase domestic terrorism in order to further secure more funding. Funding which goes partially to private firms and then gets kicked back to politicians who vehemently defend the organizations. Organizations which, by the way, do not have to disclose to whom and how much they contribute to political campaigns.

It really was a bit like what you see in the video except on occasion something positive would seem to happen. It was as if someone were trying to intentionally put me on an emotional roller coaster, perhaps with the intent of making me as socio- or psychopathic as possible; emotionally disturbed. Then with the further intent of driving me to violence, which would then be used to a} further justify more contracts, trampling of rights in general and b} to add LGBT to the list of people the Deep State can use bigotry to distract from their theft of wealth from and destruction of the middle class.

Except of course for me this was not just one hellish night followed by an apology and replacement of what was destroyed. This went on for over a year and Barack Obama, whom I assume to be stone-cold psychopath, has prevented anything being done about it at every turn with his war on whistleblowers. Separate what the man says from what he does, because they are rarely kin, and I think you see more of the same as we got from Bush and will get from the next POTUS.

Shifting gears, it has also came to my attention that there was a lot more to the so-called Ground Zero Mosque story than I would have guessed:

Matthew Phelan, “The Ground Zero Mosque Was an Inside Job,” Gawker/Black Bag, 11 September 2014:

You’ll note the involvement of the son of a man shot by a bag lady, allegedly a CIA drug smuggling money man. You’ll note the involvement of a FBI consultant. I was entirely unaware of any of this when I was doing work on the project in late 2009.

You’ll also see, if you click on the tax form, the Aspen address. Aspen is home to the Aspen Institute and it’s Aspen Strategy Group and is another of those spy-world-magnet places, where there are annual meetings of spies and muckity-mucks.

You may also recall I. ‘Scooter’ Libby’s “poem” to Judy Miller of the New York Times:

You went into jail in the summer. It is fall now. You will have stories to cover — Iraqi elections and suicide bombers, biological threats and the Iranian nuclear program. Out west, where you vacation, the aspens will already be turning. They turn in clusters, because their roots connect them. Come back to work — to life.

Tim Grieve, “Scooter Libby, Judy Miller and those turning aspens: What did Libby mean in his cryptic letter to Miller? She provides some clues,” Salon, 31 January 2007:

Between MKULTRA killers/targets, Aspen, Plamegate, the Cordoba House, and connections to not one but two agencies in the intelligence community, this is a meme hurricane. I don’t much know what to make of it except it does fit with some of those other clients I mention in the chapter linked at top of this post.

The only other things I’ll add is that this might not only serve the Republicans but the Democrats as well. Not that the Democrats really want peace, but that many who vote for them believe that they do, and that’s all that matters. The Ground Zero Mosque may have been an op to mobilize the bases of both main parties, and not just the Republicans.

But one should also note that this heavily implies the involvement of the intelligence community in elections. I would say that that is the biggest no-no for them, but there are so many no-nos to choose from, many of which we already know to have been violated, eg, CIA not only spying domestically but on the US Senate, torture, DoD spying on protestors, FBI’s parallel construction and entrapment ops, etc.

Just gets weirder and weirder and yet somehow clearer and clearer.

Living Hell

There are many reasons not to post things like this. For one, those responsible may assume they have succeeded at least in part with what they were attempting to do. Second, they may try to adjust in order to improve their approach. Third, this is a learning process for them as well, and they can, have and will apply it to torture other people.

I am choosing to do so in the hopes that other TIs will understand better what is being done to them.

I suppose I should throw in that, since I added DIA (and DARPA) to the direct list of suspects, things have taken a darker turn. This is pure speculation, I could have it backwards or be completely wrong about which specifically was responsible for what, but it seems as though, if the latest round of remote torture is the work of DIA, they are even more…what is the word? I hate to use ‘evil’…it sounds so cartoonish. But then, as I was saying elsewhere in a different context, humans devoid of compassion, empathy, guilt and decency are two-dimensional. There is no justification for any of what has been done to me and other TIs.

Speaking of whom, I should probably point out again that yet another probable goal is simply training field operatives. See Robert Baer’s first book about his CIA training. Part of it was he and the rest of his class going live on the citizens of Washington, DC, if I remember correctly. One test was getting oneself into an apartment. This could be accomplished by any means I assume but the expected method was talking one’s way in.

Additionally, there was that convicted professional killer, “Iceman,” Richard Kuklinski. He was interviewed and discussed training others and trying out new methods. Often, a random individual was chosen. Police would never solve these kinds of killings because there was no personal motive, no connection between the killer and the deceased.

Extend that to the electronic harassment and behavioral modification methods. TIs are, in part, crash test dummies for training new Jar Heads who may eventually be deployed overseas. However, even if that is true, it does not mean that targets are not chosen for other reasons (discrediting someone deemed a threat to control and training at the same time…I know some of what I experienced in Brooklyn sure seemed that way, Anthony and Balding being a prime example). It also feeds into what I’ve been saying, slowly turning up the distrust, eating away at the fabric of civility and society which means mercenaries get more contracts to “keep the peace.” It’s all of that: increasing capabilities through training and research, profiting, and increasing power of those who control the tech and their financial allies.

That aside, I will relate last evening’s session of voice-to-skull or whatever means was employed…it may be something I haven’t even thought of yet, that has no hint of existing in any of the public record apart from–this is established fact–DARPA’s request of the private sector to create “synthetic telepathy.” That means primarily an electronic equivalent of what mankind has dreamed of in the supernatural for a long, long time.

Or it might be as I’ve already stated. The apparent ability to “hear” my silent thought replies might just be because they are “scripting” my responses. They say something, I think a response, and that response is simply them saying something again. It’s a magic trick. Maybe.

First, I was unable to sleep. I could tell I was being harassed. Involuntary thoughts, none particularly pleasant. They mostly centered around my dead long term relationship. As I’ve noted over and over again, as seems plain when they have ruined politicians or tried using sex or other means, it’s largely about probing for weaknesses. As is blatantly obvious, I am someone who does not easily give up on people, not even when they disappoint me over and over again, not even when their every action or inaction implies that they just wish I was dead.

For example, I was brainwashed (see item 12 from the MK-Ultra memo, dependence on someone else) in early January. And yet, I tried repeatedly to save my dying relationship. It wasn’t that I wanted to abandon the longterm one, it was when it became plain that it was going to go away (I had assumed foolishly temporarily) that it wasn’t as crushing. When I knew that they drugged (or just as likely hit him with electronic emotion manipulation while at work at Google) and he was close to what seemed to me to be the worst depression I had ever seen him in, it was suddenly in his best interests that I get away. Or so it seemed. He might be safer if I left.

They knew all of that. That was why they hit it from so many angles, so many different ways of intentionally destroying it and those other aspects of my life: long friendships, my job, my financial security, etc.

So, the past week has largely been about banging on that, sudden reminders about it, implied things that, sadly, are at least partially true. Here is someone who, apart from family, I have known longer than anyone else I’ve ever known, spent more time with, been more intimate with, had the longest relationship with.

He does not seem to care one iota. I don’t know how, even given this unbelievable situation, that he could have so completely abandoned me in every way. Even ‘mind control’ seems to take a break now and again.

In any case, he seems to be doing quite fine. While I certainly don’t wish bad things for him, it also comes across to me as incredibly insensitive. I could and would never have left him in the state he threw me out in. I just could not do that. At least not before trying everything I could think of to make it right.

But that’s the point. The reason they are hammering this specifically is what it implies on a larger scale. If someone I have known and been friends with for over two decades doesn’t give a s*** if I’m dead, how could anyone else?

Last night, when I thought at last I might drift off (a bit before the previous post went up), I was “told” to check my ex’s FB page. “I” thought, “I don’t care.” Meaning, he’s moved on, so am I, leave it alone. What choice is there? The reply, “You might!”

Now, some of you who have not been through your government thinking it should be able to murder anyone it damn well pleases might wonder why I did what they suggested. There were a couple of reasons, of course. Still some concern, had something horrible happened?

But the main reason is I knew (many, many times this has happened) they would continue to bother me about it until I did as suggested. Preferring sleep to being tortured, I did it.

The very top post in his feed was a photo of one of what once was our dogs with his nephew in my ex’s new house which he bought with his new husband.

Now, anyone with the capability can check exactly what and when I did it. I initially tried to get to his page via my mobile browser with no success. I checked my general newsfeed first to see if I could find it there because for some reason I could not find his page directly. V2K suggested using the app instead. I found it there.

This is what our government does. Why expose me to all of this tech and then try to kill me for it? Why involve me in the first place?

I don’t really have an answer. It seems clear there are at least two parties involved, one thinking it should be public, one desiring to use the tech for ill ends.

While I have a clearly biased view based on having been on the wrong end of it, I am not much happy with the other group either. I was and am clearly still being used. I don’t appreciate that even when the reasons might seem justified, for the “greater good.” it’s still f***ing slavery.

All of these people are in the way of any sort of life I could lead or could have lead. One effect of torture over time is referred to as “learned helplessness.” Essentially, it’s the victim being conditioned to be dependent on the torturers. I suppose that might be the reasoning in part for the occasional (more and more rare) helpful V2K suggestion. The longer this goes on, the lower the chances for any sort of recovery, the greater the chance of a successful coverup. They know this. The stress alone (which probably isn’t as high as you might expect) increases the chances of disease. They know this.

Even if I could work a fulltime job (and that’s a real question) I have zero f***ing indication that they wouldn’t just get me released from it again. It’s the same with various phony offers of unpaid things I would normally be interested in. This is the problem. One group is in the way of that and the other isn’t doing what it should to put an end to it, just half-assed pushing others in the way as proxies. I see no point in attempting to do those things when the people who should be putting an end to it refuse, are too afraid, are too dumb or ignorant, or just don’t care. It’s just an exercise in frustration, something else to watch be snatched away while cowards do nothing to end it.

Is that learned helplessness? I don’t know. It is obvious that it is true, they can take anything away and there is no opposition to speak of. Exposure is the only way to end covert harassment / organized stalking / intel community abuse of its own citizens. But here we sit with Joe Lieberman accusing the Obama administration of not being tough enough on whistleblowers and he is not running for re-election and therefore has nothing to lose by clamping down on the only issue that really matters: ending NK/Intra.

And that, ladies and germs, is why I come across as so angry. I am. Torture will do that.

Swimming with Snarks


(Note: I’m posting this here instead of my blog because I want the Carl Clark article to stay towards the top for a while.)

Yesterday (June 19, 2012) a group of young men who are visiting the house decided to abandon swimming in the backyard pool and go to the river. There, one of them lost his ability to swim about twenty or thirty feet from the wall where there is a ladder to climb out. Most of his companions were on shore at the time and did not even notice or hear his partially drowned shouts for help.

One of them, his closest friend, decided to see what progress he had made after his recent jump in the water. He saw him foundering and jumped in. The current was such that it seemed for a moment that both might be sucked under, but the second one did eventually make it to the wall to grab some of the extended bricks (many were covered with algae and were therefore slippery) and pull them both to the ladder. Once they reached the ladder, the one who was having difficulty swimming regained control of his muscles and climbed out. There were a few young boys watching the whole thing who didn’t shout for help nor alert the drowning man’s friends.

See this post again from the 17th, two days before this incident and the even older posts linked there:

ADDED PARAGRAPH: They wound up attributing yesterday’s event to cold water shutting down muscles.

They followed up this morning with more electronic harassment. More mind-mucking just to prove how ineffective the law-keeping portions of our system are (or how uninterested they have become in keeping the peace).

This is how brazen these people are. This is how certain they are or pretend to be that they can do anything to anyone with their electronic toys and have employees who follow their orders blindly like good little nazis. As you can see from the Clark interview, this is about handing complete control of the government to corporations. Corporations whose only loyalty is, by design, by corporate officer fiduciary and legal responsibility, is to their shareholders, not the government, not their customers, and certainly not the American people.

I say it again: CIA, DIA, NSA, DARPA, something else within the Department of Defense, possibly DHS and some of the contractors of any or all: these are the only entities capable of doing this without repercussions. As long as they continue to do favors, bribe, intimidate, assassinate and/or ‘mind control’ Congress, it will continue. As long as the other portions of the Executive branch continue to tolerate it and “go along to get along” it will continue. As long as the court system continues to protect criminals in the name of perpetual war and national security, it will continue. And as long as any of those things are true, as TIs know, United States Government torture of its own citizens means that the rule of law is gone and that any positive accomplishments are continually tarnished by this illegal, un-Constitutional, program NK-Intra.

That’s just how the world works.

Manchurian Candidate (Updated)


(Update: added photo, a few paragraphs, some sentences, and fixed some formatting).

This one is going to wander a bit. Can’t be helped. When you are describing a nearly unbelievable set of circumstances, you have to include motive. And in including motive, you have to draw upon events that point to that motive and the way things are, the only rational explanation for how things have unfolded.

I have on occasion left things out, delayed writing about them, debated in my head the value of putting it on this blog at all. This is one of those issues. I have talked about it, danced around it, made some of these same points, but never or rarely directly and with the focus on the issue itself where it relates to me. I think once this post is done and up on the web, it won’t make any difference anyway. Why should it? There is no other person so speak on my behalf so I have to do, and I clearly have a personal motive (mostly ending the harassment of now two and a half years).

But it’s an issue that needs to be addressed. It’s just also, as you’ll see, I am perhaps not the best person to trying to lay out an objective truth about it. Or maybe I am.

I think it was the 1989 season at the New Jersey Shakespeare Festival. We began most days doing some stretching, vocalizing, and receiving some instruction from the Festival’s founder and head honcho, Paul Barry.

He happened to be taking German lessons (at Drew, I think, though I don’t know for sure, much have been over in Cherry Hill where he lived or Morristown, the larger municipality of which Cherry Hill was a suburb as I recall). Don’t recall exactly how the conversation began so I’ll fill in those details.

“Mr. Knall. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?”

As a matter of fact, that had been one of my minors at university, though I was never fluent and my usage of it had atrophied.

“Ya, wohl, mein commandant.”

“‘Wolh’ ist militarisch, nicht war? You can refer to me as ‘mein fuhrer’ or ‘mein herr,’ ya?”

His reply only further sent me into an internal laughter. I was fond of that man, but that didn’t prevent a little humor at his expense. The life of an intern was an approximately 16 hour day for no pay six days a week. We did it largely out of a love of the craft or the art. Being on stage or watching someone else on stage doing a great job made it worth it most of the time.

So it is that I don’t want to believe that the man knowingly had anything to do with what was also going on there. Probably wishful thinking. He had stated on occasion that he was a former marine. That I believe. That’s a connection to the military. Additionally, as I posted previously, the Ford Foundation had some involvement with the Festival and they are known to have had some connections to CIA.

The conversation above probably occurred after the one I am going to relate below. It is there merely to try to capture the relationship I had with the boss at the place. We became friends to an extent.

Monday nights were dark for the Festival. Dark is theater talk for no show. However, the Festival did have performances. Singers, musicians, sometimes classical music quartets, that sort of thing. Tuesday mornings first thing after the outdoor exercises was making the set ready for the evening’s show.

This was 1989 as well. One Tuesday, after a pianist or singer accompanied by one had performed at Bowne Theatre, it was time to roll the piano backstage and under the black wooden box that doubled as piano storage and prop table.

The person put in charge of seeing it put there that morning was a young, hyper, irritable and irritating young man who had landed a spot as assistant tech director. It was, as I recall, his first season there. He drank coffee incessantly and that made him extremely curt (or greatly enhanced that aspect of his personality).

He rushed us. There were, I think, three interns including myself moving the piano. I recall who one of them was, but not the third. There might have even been four. The one I am certain about is T** B****.

As we moved the three-legged piano (it was on a metal roller; the legs sat on it so we could move it) up the ramp to backstage, the two legs between which the pianist would position himself or herself began to slide off of the roller. The third leg did not. This initially seemed impossible.

The third leg, I noticed (all the while the jackass was shouting “Hurry up”) was hinged on the outside and sort of braced against bending by a piece of wood on the inside. I pointed this out.

“It’s supposed to do that!” jackass shouted and repeated “hurry up” while instructing T** to go underneath and hold the roller up.

I was holding the part near the bending single leg. T** was just about directly underneath. The leg gave way completely and I had the split-second decision of holding that half of the piano up or letting it go and watching it smash T** B**** in the face.

I held on. But the ring finger on my right hand was right next to the hinge. When the leg gave way, the piano dropped a foot or three before I was able to lift it. The result was it popped the fingernail up like one of those old car engine hoods that are hinged at the grill instead of the windshield. The fingertip bone was crushed as well.

The outcome, I got sewn up at the hospital in Morristown or Cherry Hill and got scheduled for nailbed repair on the finger.

When I finally got the chance to speak to Paul about it, he told me a very different tale than that that had actually taken place. In the version he was given, the jackass had been warning us all and the entire thing had been my own fault. I told Paul what had actually happened and said I would not even consider suing the Festival over that and would maintain that lie if he thought it necessary.

He merely nodded and left. I got word, jackass had been sent packing. I never even saw him leaving, he was just gone.

Now, that it what I recall. That is, to my mind, exactly or nearly exactly what happened.

But imagine for a moment that it’s a fugue, a psychological trick that the brain plays on consciousness because the truth is too painful to bear.

Sounds close to something else. Someone shouting hurry up sounds “militarisch, nicht war?”

Why do I mention all that?

Skipping ahead to the April 2010 sentencing hearing. Afterwards, the people who had come to support Peter, Peter’s attorney, and the juror who wrote on his behalf and her husband and I all went to have a beer and some lunch at a local pub/restaurant. While I am not sure why I did it (I thought of it as a joke, I suppose, figured it was so far from the truth that the mere mention of it was absurd to the point of humor) I sort of touted to those who had not read Peter’s work about a character in the Rifter’s trilogy, Ken Lubin. I suggested he was “cooler than James Bond,” which got a rise out of Pete, “I’m not so sure about that.” I was, I thought, making a joke and sort of “selling” the idea of the Rifter’s trilogy to those who had not read the books in a way they could relate to. Again, I was nearly completely euphoric at the time, and had been the subject of a whole lot of psychological harassment, torture I would say is a fair description, for several months at this point. I think I may also have been trying to say something about being tenacious…”tough.”

After we parted ways and the folks headed back to Canada, I was invited over to the juror’s home to wait until my train to start the journey back to Minneapolis. I continued the conversation about Lubin and the books in general there.

The juror’s husband said, “You mean like Jason Bourne.”

Something about that comment ended the conversation. Now it was no longer funny to me. The incessant use of voice-to-skull, the many other bizarre happenings (thinking for example of that fellow who was waiting for me at that bar after I deleted my old Twitter account), there had to be more to this story.

Additionally, it brought to mind the fact that some of the harassment (thinking of specifically “The Case of the Fidgety Korean”) “felt” as though it was coming from a prankster.

Which then reminded me of Clooney on the red carpet at the Oscar’s stating that he had given up playing pranks.

Which in turn, thinking of Syriana, made me think of Robert Baer’s appearance on Real Time with Bill Maher where Maher asked about the fingernail pulling scene and how there was no answer as to who that had been based on (the movie largely based on Baer’s two books about his own twenty-year career at CIA and perhaps thematically on the third book which is fiction because he had so much trouble trying to get a non-fiction book through CIA’s approval process, much like Valerie Plame-Wilson did with Fair Game).

It did not occur to me when I saw that episode on HBO that it could possibly have anything to do with me. Was not in any way my first inclination.

Moving further ahead, the constant junkmail job offers I get at my email address to someone whose first name is supposed to be Jason… Well.

Further that I did a sleep study in the mid Aughties in a building that looked a whole lot like the one in one of the Bourne pictures, the one where the program is headquartered (even funnier, work did a project in the building CIA used as HQ to try to catch Bourne in the third film, I think…a Broadway address as I recall). Thought I might have had sleep apnea was the reason for doing the study. Guess maybe I did. Losing weight and getting into shape did me more good than having a CPAP did, I think.

I asked my analyst in Minneapolis about fugues. She said they do indeed happen and that there is no way at all to tell what, if anything, can bring someone out of them. The brain, she said, sometimes does reveal the truth and sometimes it doesn’t. There is no trigger, even hypnosis cannot bring it out.

So. Imagine now you’ve got a person that everyone thinks is a “robot assassin.” Now you’ve got a different situation. One that, but only to a small extent, could explain some of the harassment, torture, etc. Some might think they have a dangerous individual on the loose and so things like trying to get him arrested might under those circumstances make some sense.

I think that’s all bulls***. As I think I noted already (if I didn’t, here it is) I might have been “auditioned” in Germany in 1988 for some kind of covert work, but I failed. I found the encounter with a hired killer at a biergarten in Munich hysterical, just could not take it seriously (though I was also mindful that he was the real thing and was glad to leave).

(Further I think the experimentation at the NJSF was more about hacking the brain for political purposes, seeing how to discredit people, get them to commit embarrassing crimes like statutory rape, making them believe in the supernatural/converting to religion, etc. and not the holy grail of hypnotized assassins, but then that would be what I would want to believe, wouldn’t it?).

Add on top of that Cheney calling Toronto “too dangerous” and declining to visit during April—after I had already registered for the convention, and it starts to go beyond absurd. Watch RED. It’s all too weird…

So, why? Given the presence of voice-to-skull and probably better, more advanced methods of mucking with heads, I think it more likely this was to convince me that that is what happened, what I am. As I think I’ve also noted, there’s a chapter toward the end of A Terrible Mistake where the author notes that many people have contacted him stating they believe themselves to be such assassins, only recalling vague details. And yet, as he rightly points out, not a one of them can point to a news article that shows who it was they supposedly killed, nor when and where.

As for me, I think I’d have “caught” myself by now. Not a single thing to note about my Euro vacations in terms of notable news (apart from 1988 and the Wall falling in 1989… So what?). It’s bulls***.

So it was my theory that the point is to convince the target that they are an assassin in order to overcome inherent resistance, repugnance of committing murder. If you start to believe that you have already done so, can actually picture it in your head, come to fervently believe it, then being able to actually turn that person into a Loughner or Breivik is possible.

But why would these people, who I maintain are decent folks, try to help convince me that that is what I am? I don’t think that is what they were doing. I think like so many other people I have come into contact with, they thought (perhaps actually were) doing and saying that stuff for other reasons. For example, maybe Baer’s story is about “Iron Man”, the whistleblower who spent years tracking Osama Bin Laden. Maybe Clooney was referring to a prank that had gone too far that we don’t know about. Like his “bad luck” on the set of Syriana, I can’t help but think it’s yet another effort to divide, to make me think that somehow it was them and not those actually responsible for the bulk of this, who set me up, ruined my life, etc. and to direct my ire there. A distraction, a straw man, disinformation… Sort of like blaming non-existent grey aliens and the illuminati for rampant greed and sociopathic behavior in the intelligence, security and defense communities. It’s money and power. If it seems confusing that is because it’s what these people do to cover their tracks.

(Side note: I have another half dozen or so theories about all that. They make about as much sense and stating them would make about as much of a difference. I am not angry with those people Clooney and Baer, just to be clear. While we all have our reasons for what we do, once you realize that greed is the primary one for high-ranking officers and spies and their private counterparts, nothing else much matters what others do. Other things, most of them, are trivial. Creating terrorism for the sake of profits. That’s the root problem. Revolving door? Doubt removing that alone would fix things. Outsourcing and corporate fiduciary responsibility to shareholders first are issues even without that. Then, “on the third hand”—or tentacle—you’ve got insular corruption from a lack of oversight and accountability such as CIA, NSA, JSOC and probably others. Then there is careerism).

But that doesn’t quite answer the question, does it? To my mind, there is absolutely no one I can trust…not even myself. But that’s not because I see a gigantic conspiracy, it’s because I know voice-to-skull, brainhacking, etc. work and works on everyone. I’m not special in that regard. It works on you—whoever you are—to some extent. (An advantage of knowing anyone might say something that they don’t actually mean is that you can concentrate on the value of what they say instead simply the source. I don’t mean when I say I don’t trust anyone that I view them suspiciously, merely that I have to maintain being a little guarded knowing they might say something shocking at any moment. That is not paranoia, that is reasonable care in the circumstances I am in as a witness to illegal activities by the United States government and knowing that the brainhacking stuff works more or less. The seemingly trivial death of a thousand cuts, another phrase that’s been in my head for some time. It seems like no big deal to do one nasty thing one time to one person, but when there are hundreds of people doing one nasty thing to one person it’s not trivial, but just in isolation not seeming illegal or in need of being addressed. This is one of their many bulls*** justifications.)

What else happened during that forty-five seconds in the deli in Brooklyn? It “felt” like he looked right through me…saw what was underneath…saw right through all of the bulls*** that we all use to kid and protect ourselves from whatever. From life, from our own weaknesses and darker desires, our own selfishness, our enemies, etc. To make a joke of it, it was like Bush saying he looked into Putin’s eyes and saw the man’s soul. (Cue laugh track).

So it was hardly one single thing that made me want to find that person… Who as I said…it’s brilliant on so many levels…he doesn’t exist. Whether you are making a statement for religion or against it, it works both ways. Belief played a role in optimism, but once that belief is shattered, it doesn’t mean that you give up but you don’t have the same reason any more either.

Still I can’t help wanting to ask him, assuming he did exist and that he can even recall after all this time, “What did you see?”

And that is one reason why I know I won’t ever get the chance, even if… These people only care about inflicting pain and covering their criminal tracks. And they know that this issue can be useful for that. Heck, that’s partly why they did it. It’s just another human experiment on the taxpayer’s dime.

And so, while I am still mindful that there are people worse off in the world (those suffering physical torture as well as psychological, for example) and that there is always more to lose (my son seems to be recovering from yesterday’s surgery just fine but it’s soon; the 7th was tests, surgery was the 9th), it’s still daily torture. Daily torture that not a single person seems able or willing to stop. If you want to know why I don’t harp on that more often, it’s because you don’t want your enemies to know in a situation like the one I am in when, how and just how much they are and / or are not getting to you…why would you want to help them hurt you more? It’s a catch-22.

So, while I am mindful of all of that (and the lies they try to push off, such as all the harassment being for my “benefit”, to make me want to “fight”), it’s still continuous and more bulls*** words just pass from cold comfort to no comfort at all to being just downright insulting. Especially after I’ve made the case as to who, why, and why it’s a bad idea to let it continue for everyone involved.

Even if a small portion (and I will say at my most objective moments that it is only a small portion, I try to weed out those other things from being presented here at all except when in the context of being drugged, etc. or when it’s humorous or poetic) of the torment is coming from my own brain, then even that also is the result of what has been done to me and not just “one of those things.” It’s still harassment even if the trick was to alter my own brain into sometimes (rarely, I assure you) “doing it to myself.”

That’s it.

Great that the administration for example has shifted from civil unions to full marriage for same-sex partners (part one: Romney is vulnerable since LDS funded the Prop 8 ads; part two: Obama needs the progressives back after screwing them via Top Secret America and continued erosion of civil liberites; part three: they know it’s also the right thing to do) but try to imagine that in light of: item 13 12 from the MK/ULTRA memo, your friend of 25 years and partner of almost 15 getting married to someone else, and other unrelated torture every f***ing day. Try to care under those circumstances. Try to be patient.

Try to hope.

The Rorshach test is done. Everyone failed. When am I and others like me going to stop paying someone else’s price for that?

BLACK BOOT DIARIES – Dead Dogs (Updated)

(Update: link at bottom of page, now with less bad English from double auto-translation, EuroTV article switched to Globe and Mail original English).

There were actually two events. When the first came, we decided it was part of the news items regarding Chinese ingredients in dog food. Both dogs became ill but recovered. That this happened to occur around the time of Plamegate (and my intense involvement in following the story, contributing to the legal fund, etc.) just wasn’t a dot connected.

Then came Spring of 2009. I made an appointment with the vet to get the dogs their shots. Cleo, the female, was always resistant to being given shots. She did not like it. The vet assistant who was charged with giving them to her decided to take her upstairs in order to administer it so as to avoid being bitten (apparently he didn’t trust me to hold her snout).

She had surgery twice already at this point. The first time was when she ate carpet (which she ripped up after a flood in the basement of our Greenwich Village basement apartment. The apartment where I found what may have been bombmaking materials on the fire escape, apparently thrown out a window above. Where my bike was stolen by drug dealers the week that Bloomberg decided to secretly pull all of NYPD off of crime and assign them to terrorism as some kind of exercise. Where I lived one of the two times I was the victim of identity theft, and the credit card thieves used my card to pay for a hotel in Russia and a few other things).

The second time was knee surgery. So, forcing her to walk up the stairs was the apparent reason for her limping after the dogs got their shots. A great opportunity for a less reasonable, calm person to go postal at the vet’s office.

But it wasn’t the stairs. It turned out to be, as I’ve already noted, some sort of mysterious anemia. (See memo, item #10).

Once we realized that she was far worse off than the male corgi, Thorin (he had lost weight at an alarming rate but recovered after being prescribed vitamins, administered via daily shots by me) we had her looked at and eventually hospitalized. She was anemic and they did not know why.

My partner was out of town on Google business one particular day when Cleo was at the specialist’s office in Manhattan. A surgeon (who happened to be of Arabic descent) suggested removing her spleen. I asked how that related. He said that there was a possibility that it could help. How much of a possibility? 50/50.

I called my now ex and asked if he wanted to do it. This dog was his favorite. I knew how much it meant to him. If we didn’t at least try, we would wind up wondering if it would have worked. It was an easy calculation.

Not only did the expensive surgery not help, but the vet never even bothered to call me (as he had promised to do) to tell me what he had found. Never saw that vet again. Never heard from him.

When we finally were at our last-ditch in terms of finding a reversal of the rapid disappearance of red blood cells, another vet said, “It may have been a bad vaccine.”

At that point, all told, we had spent nearly (or a bit over) $20,000. Now, tell me that that wouldn’t have had some impact on the relationship. Money is a frequent divorce-maker.

We eventually had her put to sleep.

Would it have been completely surprising if I had tracked down the surgeon who, it seems to me it’s true, had my partner subsidize his research into dog spleens and beaten the s*** out of him? I once suggested suing the company, but my ex refused.

I note the similarity here (and differences) between a fictional sociopath’s cat being beyond the help of a busy vet in a science fiction novel and how he dealt with it. But all roads seemed to point to Achilles, didn’t they?

You see now? They love to use these things to disrupt freedom of speech and to drive wedges between people at the same time. It also gives it all an unbelievable quality. That the US government could be both this depraved and wasteful of tax dollars at the same time are a couple of things that your average liberal journalist cannot wrap his or her brain around. Add to that, “Why?” and you have a recipe for being completely dismissed as delusional.

And yet there is plenty of historical precedent to support those very things. That’s what this blog is about. All of those crazy UFO, illuminati, etc. conspiracy theories are just disinfo, a way of covering up who’s really responsible: the CIA and various members of the intelligence community in the Department of Defense and the brass who oversee them and their private sector friends.

(As I’ve also noted, where money is concerned, there is extensive involvement with drug trafficking. That heroin production is up so far in Afghanistan supports this claim. Click on the ‘Drugs’ tag and see my previous entry).

As I also noted previously, a Brit just outside the auditorium at the Union Square multiplex movie theater brought up both dogs and fire (referencing the Conway fire) in an effort to provoke me. Didn’t work, of course, because at the same time I was so f***ing high from whatever it is that causes item 11 (pure euphoria) that I could not recognize the man’s hostile intent.

And that continued with Balding at the doctor’s office in January 2010, Anthony and his roommate (and lots of other strangers in Brooklyn) mocking me as I left the building to walk the dogs, go to the store, etc. also around that time as well as many jerks in Minneapolis.

So, now, imagine that you’re trying to make a few corrections to the short story I posted last night. Imagine that you were thinking about it on a walk. Imagine that you go to your ritual place to think. Imagine that a dog shows up. Imagine that you are very careful not to feed the damn thing because you know they will kill the damn thing. (I’m going to go with hit-and-run on this one, given it’s car-chasing habit).

Imagine it follows you home. Imagine it barks and howls outside wanting you to return while you are making some corrections to the short story. I have not fed it, but it behaves as though I have. It spent the night on the back porch and was there this morning.

Now, this is the kind of thing that, when CIA actually succeeds in doing what they set out to do (mostly to panic the TI), a person flees. They do that because the fight-or-flight instinct is aroused. It makes them feel better initially, thinking that they have evaded their pursuers, that they can escape if only for a few days. I have seen this behavior numerous times. My ex had a former college-mate who did that. She fled all over Europe. I have no idea why CIA targeted her specifically.

There was a film covered by the same TV show I did some work for in Minneapolis about a young man who was also fleeing unknown pursuers. I was both disturbed by his paranoia but also had to laugh given that was exactly what they wanted me to do.

Look at the record. Lots and lots of funding. No oversight. Try to get them to straighten out and you have to run over and be Secretary of Defense due to death threats. What does that say? (I’m speaking of Schlesinger and the Family Jewels, but that Panetta reportedly ended the torture program early in office and subsequently went to the SecDef position as well, is a little suspicious).

And as I’ve already mentioned, I’m not the only one. Not by a long-shot.

I have no desire to bring up anyone else’s painful past. It’s painful for me to do so. I expect the psychos in our government are aware of that. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve found myself “between a rock and a hard place”. Do or do not do and it’s bad. (That’s also the real cause of neuroses, isn’t it? Two or more strong, conflicting desires?).

So, I’ll mention it. The implications should be obvious.

Syriana. What’s it about? It’s about big oil controlling foreign policy that frequently conflicts with national security. The argument is that what’s good for big oil is always good for the country.

Is it, though? You could leave out any one of the following, I think, and still come to the conclusion that something has to change: climate change, “blood-for-oil”, perpetual war and the budget, erosion of democracy, worldwide/support of hostile regimes as problem for US image.

And yet, these evil clowns… well the “joke” is obvious to me as someone with plenty of experience now dealing with them:


And now: Spinal injury leads to thoughts of suicide.

So, I’ll say it again: F*** you, Cynthia.

Future addition to ‘doggy heaven’, probably sooner rather than later. (EDIT: Of course, there’s always rabies. You know, rabid animal).

QUICK EDIT: And how can I forget Scahill saying he had a phone message in early 2010 about a dog, blood and a cooler?

Just Another Psyop

I’ll begin this post by quoting what I consider to be the one of the most seminal passages in A Terrible Mistake: The Murder of Frank Olson and the CIA’s Cold War Experiments. Keep in mind I did not read this book nor know any of these details until mid 2011.

In 1952, a twenty-four year old American named Stanley Milton Glickman was pursuing a promising career as an artist in France. Glickman, the son of a successful New York furrier, had moved to Paris in the summer of 1951 to study painting at the Academie de la Grande Chaumiere, and about seven months later, as an apprentice in the studio of renowned French modernist Fernand Leger. (In the 1940s, Leger had decorated the New York City apartment of Nelson A. Rockefeller.) By early autumn 1952, Glickman had his own studio on the outskirts of Paris and already had one of his paintings displayed in New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art.

One evening in mid-October, about thirteen months after the peculiar outbreak at Pont-St.-Esprit, the young artist went into Paris to meet a friend at the Café Select. They were soon joined by two American men who Glickman did not know. After some casual conversation and several glasses of wine, the two strangers fell into a heated debate with Glickman about politics, power, amd patriotism. The debate went on for hours. The men told Glickman that he was a näive bohemian unmindful of the real ways of the world. Glickman told the two conservatively dressed men that their attitudes of political superiority were offensive to all that he felt was right with the world. When it grew late and Glickman was preparing to leave, one of the men offered him a drink as a conciliatory gesture. Glickman had been drinking only coffee, but reluctantly accepted. The man got up from the table and went to the bar, returning with a glass of Chartreuse for the artist. As the man moved back to the table, Glickman noticed that he walked with a pronounced limp.

Glickman sipped the drink slowly, and the conversation turned to other subjects. One of the men remarked that France was fascinating for its many religious miracles. Midway through his liqueur, Glickman began to feel strange. A tremendous feeling of anxiety filled his chest. The anxiety quickly gave way to the sensation that he was floating above the table. His perception of objects and their dimensions became distorted. Sounds took on an odd resonance, some painful to his ears. The two men watched him intently. One of them leaned toward him and said, “Surely a man of your many talents can perform his own miracles. Can’t you?”

Believing that he had been poisoned, Glickman fled into the street, leaving his friend behind. When he woke up the next morning he realized he had lost several hours of time. He was also hallucinating wildly. For two weeks he wandered about Paris “in the pain of madness, delusion, and terror.” He returned to the Café Select, went to the same table as before, and sat with his eyes closed, irrationally waiting “for someone to come and tell me what had happened.” When he refused to leave, he was taken away to the American Hospital of Paris and given electroshock treatment. After his release, he lived in a state of “stress, terror, and hallucination” for eight months, until his family learned of his condition and brought him back to the United States in July, 1953.

A psychiatrist treated Glickman for the next twenty-five years. He lived in New York’s East Village, never again painted, and ran a small antiques shop. His closest friends were his three dogs, Charlie, Gent, and Kuma. Sometimes he told people his name was Paul Galen.

{A Terrible Mistake, pp. 643, 644}. {I posted the third link above about the drinker at McDonald’s two months before even ordering the book and it happened in February of 2010}. {No, I do not think it’s evidence of ESP nor the existence of The Great Orbital Tea Kettle In the Sky capable of crushing mice at a whim. See the title of this post}.

So, that’s how the parts of the US government violate not only people’s right to freedom of speech but also ruin artists, writers, actors, etc. Believe me, organized stalking is no respecter of status, party, philosophy. There are numerable celebrities among the TIs.

You might say, “Hey, that was sixty years ago.” Yes, this incident was in the 1950s and it took decades for the revelation that the Central Intelligence Agency {who was working closely with the US Army on LSD under MK/ULTRA and other bizarre research} dosed him with LSD to come to light. It’s assassination without actually killing the person.

And really, how did it help national security? How did it make Americans safer? How did it do a single solitary thing except get a pair of sociopaths {with no oversight, no accountability from Congress to speak of, or their secret approval} “off” on the power they could wield without a care in the world? What is the justification for allowing this and a myriad of other “thought punishments” go uninvestigated, unmitigated?

This is what is happening today in the United States. It started, true, under a Republican president {or two or three} but it continues today under one who is a Democrat. I can appreciate that there are innumerable people within the government who staunchly refuse to get on board the “change” train, who would rather see a Republican back in office, that they have friends in powerful industries who resist letting go of this kind of surreptitious power, etc.

But at some point the Democrats own this. This may have been a neocon idea–to bring back all of the craziness that was justified by the existence of the Soviet Union in the 50s, 60s and 70s, and to make claims today that the presence of Al Qaeda justifies it–but that is no excuse to allow it to continue when you’ve been told it is going on.

And, just how does that work? How do allowing people their First Amendment rights allow “the terrorists to win”? I’ll tell you how. It’s not a logical argument, it’s an emotional one. Fear is the answer. Fear is how politicians who justify turning on their own citizens for profit and power justify what that the monsters they put in charge do: their worst. It’s about intimidating and tricking American citizens out of more of their money. That’s all it is. Create mayhem and then cash in on it by handing out new defense contracts to mercenaries who can now “expand” from Afghanistan and Iraq onto American soil. {And of course enjoy kickbacks and political contributions from the same}.

And why should I or anyone believe that after the next election, that anything will change? Why? What pretty words can undo what has been done, continues to be done? How can anyone even contemplate the ability to *talk* people this depraved into behaving like civilized adults instead of like the twin neuropath-ological agents of destruction in the anecdote above?

It will quickly become about the next election and making whoever is going to run in 2016 look good, to keep all the bad news under the rug rather than actually do a single thing to deal with it.

It’s shameful that this can be allowed to continue in the US. Shameful beyond belief. Shameful beyond repair. I know, I know, put if off for another sixty years, because all that matters is how things appear to the majority of people, not that there is a small minority being actively persecuted while simultaneously being forced to fund the very people who are doing the persecuting.

When is enough, enough? This is government-sponsored terrorism. Period. How can this not be a priority?

While I disagree with David Tennant’s Doctor Who on the non-existence of patterns {where there are people involved, there clearly are–maybe not in the Universe at large}, when I read the story of Glickman all I could think of was the Doctor’s close-to-the-end line, “I could have done so much more!

But that didn’t happen in Glickman’s case because parts of this government are out of control, hate people for their freedom, hate people who disagree with them or their superiors. And because cowards in the rest of it continue to ignore these fundamental problems. They allow fear to rule them.

{Did I mention that poppy exports in Afghanistan are way up?}. {Also, excellent commentary on the CIA and torture and assassination by Jacob Hornberger of the Future of Freedom Foundation–link added at right–over here, new link, see February 17}.

Down on DODies Pharm

Forgot about this year-old piece on the use of an anti-malarial drug (mefloquine, brand name Larium) on detainees at Gitmo that has side-effects that can cause serious problems including suicidal thoughts and hallucinations despite the fact that malaria was not considered a real danger in Cuba by many in the military. One Army doctor referred to its use as pharmacological waterboarding.

One also imagines that some company was paid for the contract to supply it (on American taxpayer dollars).

Article also references MKULTRA and some other human experimentation projects that went on in other places.

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